So what about the kids?

So we did it. We left our old church determined to find or build a form that would enable us to be part of the Body in a way that fit who we are and what we need, hopefully also enabling us to also love others and meet their needs.

Despite my assertion that I believe children don't need a kid's program to function spiritually, I am still musing about what we must do to "bring up a child in the way s/he should go." I look at it this way: I appreciate the whole concept of homeschooling. The kids I've met who are homeschooled are, imo, one step above other kids. And I can't argue with the anecdotal information (and I think some studies) which find that home schooled kids do better once they get to university. Despite this - we don't homeschool . The very thought of it exhausts me. I think we are responsible to educate our children, but I'm very glad our school is there to help us with our repsonsibility. Same with piano lessons. I've been trying to teach Taryn - but it's been months since the last lesson. I find it difficult to get into the role of teacher.

So I am asking, "What about the kids?" but not in the way that some people throw it out to accuse emergers (for lack of a better term) of neglecting their offspring's spiritual progress. I'm asking - what do I have to do to help my kids develop their God-lives? What are others discovering who are not connected in with the traditional form of church? What are the practical implications? I feel so inadequate to take on this role without outside help.

Here's hoping my entrance on the emergent chick's list draws some traffic from people who may be able to offer some feedback.

New camera!!

Winding down, finally

I just finished working for the day. I need to have my contract deliverables ready for Wednesday plus start to formulate my first contract for the new year before the person who oversees my gov't contracts goes away for all but 3 days in December. I probably could have stopped at a more usual time and still have been able to get it all done tomorrow, but I was working on the child care paper and had a flow going - I was in the zone - so I didn't want to stop until I hit a wall. That would be now - the lit review's written but still needs rewrites and edits, and here is where I find I cannot go on. It has been a fascinating, complex and difficult paper to write so far. Research is such an amazing field, with so much to take in, and so much that can inform and improve our lives if correctly applied.

But now, sleep....

burdens and loads

I've been musing on a passage in Galatians. Here it is, and I'll bold the reason it's been sticking with me.

1Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted. ²Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. ³If anyone thinks he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself. ⁴Each one should test his own actions. Then he can take pride in himself, without comparing himself to somebody else, ⁵for each one should carry his own load.

I found it striking that so close together we are exorted to both carry each other's burdens and to carry our own loads. It seemed to me, then, we had better have a pretty clear understanding of what constitutes a burden and what constitutes a load.

What load looks like: what you think of yourself, how you think of your actions, and not comparing yourself to somebody else. The key for my understanding seemed to be in not comparing yourself with others.

It seems like I have often been the other way around - slow to carry another's burden and quick to carry their loads - compare myself to them, think I have to live up to their actions, or thinking myself superior for my actions. I still find myself automatically thinking, when I hear a person saying I should or shouldn't do something, that I must do or not do whatever it is they are saying. At one point I realized that to follow all the shoulds and shouldn'ts that life throws my way would require me to never sleep plus add another 10 hours to each day. everyone has an idea of what my life should look like. I can't take their loads. I have to carry my own.

But that's my take on this passage. And I'm curious if others see something different in here.

[Incidently, while I was purusing different versions and paraphrases to try to dig into this a bit, I cracked open my first Bible - The Children's Living Bible - and noticed a page where kids could list important events. Here are four of mine in italics (with my thoughts today)
-Received Christ, 1975
-Recommitted my life to the Lord, Camp, August 19, 1979 (because I had backslidden so much when I was 11 - you know, the drinking, the drugs...)
-July 30, 1980 - Accepted Christ and really meant it (Apparently I was just kidding the other times)
-My commitment April 18, 1981 (I have no idea what this means. But I committed.)

After 1981 I apparently finally believed that I really believed. Or I got a new Bible and stopped writing in that one.]

Fowler's faith development

In the comments below (the more post) there has been a small discussion on times of questioning and when they occur. A man by the name of Fowler formulated a theory about stages of faith, a way of conceptualizing the changes that take place in people's faith journeys. The information below came from this site.

Stage 3. Synthetic-conventional: In this stage, a person knows why he/she believes. One pulls together various parts of faith and tends to conform to the majority, and people are rewarded or punished for following rules laid down by the proper authority (the church or Bible). Views at this stage are often stereotyped.

Stage 4. Individuative-reflective: There is a relocation of authority within the self, along with a critical reflection of one's beliefs. Faith becomes uniquely one's own. In addition, there is usually a struggle to grow and understand.

Stage 5. Conjunctive: Individuals realize the paradoxes in faith, and learn to live with their faith and their questions. This stage involves a dynamic, trusting relationship with God.

Stage 6. Universalizing Faith: This stage is defined by feeling at one with God. People here invest their lives in a larger cause without being concerned by the personal cost (Parrott & Steele, 1995; Swensen, Fuller, & Clements, 1993). These stages are simply frameworks of understanding people and where they are in regard to their faith.

Note that no one has to go through all the stages, Fowler claimed that a minority of people do. It seems to me that stage 4 is usually that first questioning period of the late teens and 20s. The later stages, according to Fowler, rarely come until later in adulthood.

gingerbread men - definitely

Over at the Braun's tonight the kids were decorating Gingerbread cookies.
Then I looked at Taryn's.
And escaped to the kitchen to guffaw with Cindy.
Can you tell this kid has watched her little brother's diaper changes?

responding to Bev

Bev, I decided to respond on my own blog so that I won't run out of space.
If anyone's wondering, I'm responding to this post on Bev's blog.

I'm not sure if you're reflecting on different posts or just the "more" one. I had to think on what you said for a while. I'll break it down by sentences.

I want clear values and beliefs.
No to this one. I'm more comfortable with uncertainty than I was in the past. I have become so non-sure of so much of what I used to believe - I don't expect others to have that certainty either. In fact, I think I'm starting to distrust people with certainty, because I can't relate.

I want to KNOW what to expect.
No to this one too. I can't know what to expect, life is full of surprises. Wanting this would only lead to disappointment.

I want boundaries around what people will and won't do.
I think I know what you're driving at here - and there is an element of truth to it. I don't want to see people controlled. I do want to see people stand up for what seems right and good and against what is wrong or unwise.

I want community that is real and felt, not chatted about.
Yes, yes, yes. I want this very, very much.

I DON"T want to be ever searching for something else. I want to satisfied with the present reality. Looking for more is wearing me out
I don't want to be searching for what will never happen. One example is the tongues thing that had me all weirded out in my early 20s. Hearing lots of people say, "You can speak in tongues, you will speak in tongues." Well, lo and behold, I never did. And I got prayed for, and tried to follow the formulas. It finally occurred to me that maybe what these people's ideas of what God wanted to do was way different than what God wanted to do. That's what I mean about being suspicious of more. It seems like more is always the things that I only hear about, never see. Of course I want more of whatever God has for me. And I think I am seeing it, but precisely because I finally let go of other people's ideas of more. "Hope deferred makes the heart sick." If I'm gonna hope for something, it darn well better be something I can reasonably expect to happen. It better be God that's saying, "This is coming". And I don't know, when people say what God is saying, who is really hearing from him and who is broadcasting themselves on the deity channel. I'm suspicious. I'm skeptical. Call me Thomas if you will. But he still got to touch Jesus.

Denomination is very much NOT where I'm at right now. Relationship is. I'm not saying they can't exist together. But I am saying that I'm not sure I can exist in a denomination and have relationship, because of who I am in the context of form and function. The forms of denominations often exist to support the denomination, not relationship. At this moment, I don't care if I never set foot inside a church building again. But I care very much that I be knitted into the body of Christ in a way that is much more solid than what has been true so far for me.

Funny, I rarely think of myself as "black and white" anymore. I feel very gray. But then, you worked with me at a time that I was clinging to black and white as a way of dealing with a very stressful situation.

Yes, I think I will be all who I am. And like it.

And I hope you don't get burned at the stake.

Christmas lights

What techies do when they have way too much time on their hands in the holiday season.

More?

I've been thinking about some posts where people have written about wanting more from God. That seems to be something present in charismatic circles especially. We say it in lots of prayers and sing it in lots of songs.

I'm tired of looking for more. I love that line from an 80s Steve Taylor song: "Since I gave up hope, I feel a lot better."

I'm really skeptical about more. Here are my more questions:

What if there is no more?
What if the people who have told us about more were either lying or deluded?
What if there is more, but it's not what we think it is and we don't get it how we think we do?

The spa...

It was nice to get a pedicure, although the chairs were not as comfy as I would have liked. And next time I'm bringing my own book rather than be subject to the vast world of fashion and high society magazines again. Elle, for ex. is totally obsessed with movies with extreme sexual content. No normal woman could look good in any of those clothes. And Town and Country was basically a jewellry catalogue - but don't feel guilty about indulging yourself in a consumer-driven lifestyle, because the companies all support Unicef! One Letter to the Editor talked about how glad they were for the ---- issue where the importance of philanthropy was discussed, and how hard it must have been for ---- to go to Sri Lanka to help the people there. My guess is the people being helped find it even a whole lot harder. How shallow can people get?

And my beautician - or whatever term is currently coined - has her Masters degree in chemical engineering. The same old story - immigrant comes to Canada because Canada gives preference to professionals. Meanwhile they cannot actually practice their profession here without taking their entire schooling over again. We have scads of doctors, engineers and other highly trained individuals working as janitors, cab drivers and beauticians. The one profession given preference than can get into Canada easily: exotic dancers. Apparently their credentials transfer quite nicely.

Spa visit turned social policy rant.

And peace again

FIL is home. He seems somewhat ready to accept a change of lifestyle in order to, well, live.
My family all home. Final drama at the airport when we are getting Mom's luggage on the cart and Conor on the cart and Rob says, "Uh, Jude, your Mom's doing a Rain Man." And sure enough, she had taken off on us, going fast, towards the building in front of the airport rather than the airport itself.
The weirdest thing is, I got so anxious to make sure she actually got on the plane instead of wandering off someplace again that I got an escort pass and actually hussled her on through before everybody else could say goodbye. I noted to Rob that it is disturbing to me that the more my Mom's weirdness makes me anxious, the more I become like her. At which point he started talking like Yoda, something about taking part in the dark side. Tomorrow I'm hiding all his Star Wars DVDs.
Tonight we just cuddled up on the couch and watched 30 Days. Have you caught that show? It's created by Morgan Spurlock, the guy who made Supersize Me. The premise of the show is that people enter the world of others unlike them for 30 days. We've seen Morgan and his fiance become minimum and low-wage earners, a Christian live among Muslims, heavy consumers living on an environmentally conscious commune, a guy who tries an anti-aging method and tonight, a straight guy living in San Francisco's gayest neighborhood. It does not aim for extremes like other reality shows. Rather it serves as a way to help to understand commonalities among differences and to let go of stereotypes we sometimes have.

Update on FIL

Hubby's dad is being released from the hospital today. He didn't end up having any procedure or operation because of where the blockage is located - what I've been told is that they can't do anything for him except give him lots of medication. Expensive medication for people on a very small pension. It sounds so hopeless.

Please pray - but most of all, pray that he will know God as he is, and not the poor caricatures that have been delivered over the years. Pray that his heart will be softened towards God.

3 year old frankness

Middle child spent quite a bit of time with Grandma H. yesterday. Mom told me that at one point Ash was talking to her about Grandpa, and clarified, "Not the dead one." Then later I overheard Mom say that Grandpa is with Jesus now, and Ash exclaimed, "Jesus is in the gwound?"

For some reason, my Mom, who gets upset about nearly everything, doesn't get at all unnerved by these Ashisms. It actually seems to help her when she explains things to Ash.

leaving finding old new

It's been great to know that as I'm figuring out how to be the church I'm finding there are a lot of people out there who immediately understand.

But I'm not so naive as to believe that I will not cause any misunderstandings.

So in case I haven't made everything clear - I didn't leave WCV because I'm angry or bitter. I'm not on a road to run down it or any established church (ha - the Vineyard is now the 'established' church. That's funny, somehow). Some people have asked me if I'm going to process my leaving with leadership. I was confused about that one for a while, left it up to God and as He seems to have replied in the affirmative, conversations and emails have happened and have yet to happen to talk about issues, both positive and negative, of my almost 10 years there.

I've left a form, I have not left any relationships. As far as I'm concerned, relationships are intact and are about to become healthier.

Newsy bit - no deep thoughts

Feeling a bit crazed.

Snow on tuesday led to the necessity of finding eldest child's boots. Which we found one of. The other we eventually came to assume fell down the basement stairs and into the recycling boxes. Off to Wal-mart (yes, I know I denounced it - I'm not sure any corporation has any more ethics, however, so where do I go to get $25 boots?) with eldest to wade through the gag-me display of pink, princesses and Barbie boots. Normal clothes, please!!! My child does not need to be a walking Disney ad. Driving that day: horrible. Shovelling immediately gave me back spasms.

Snow also led to my FIL doing his usual clearing snow off everybody's yard - which is kind, but probably less than wise at 76 when you seem to be feeling less than your usual self. Soon he had a heart attack(small one) and by the end of the day we learned he probably has colon cancer. I haven't been able to see him yet, I'm always with the kids when hubby goes.

Rob was at the hospital when eldest needed to be picked up from school. Rob had the van. How was I going to get two kids to and three kids from school? I got out the only sled we had, hammered some small holes into it, enlarged them with a screw and screwdriver, and then found some cotton twine which I tripled up for strength. Youngest child very unhappy in sled, as he kept falling out and getting snow in his face. My back killing me by the end of the trek.

Wednesday I tried to get lots of work done because today my whole family came to the 'peg. BIL has a conference here so we arranged an early Christmas as my sister and fam are changing provinces in December. They drove, Mom flew. So I drove to the airport this morning and got stuck in a bumper to bumper no one's moving an inch scenario on Route 90. Did a u-y and waded around in residential areas to Keewatin to wind up in bumper to bumper extremely slow moving traffic.

Picked up, Mom. I was ready to end the visit before I even got home. I have grown in my ability to not respond negatively to everything that offends and bugs me. I have not grown in my ability to not be offended and bugged. But, she's staying at the hotel with my sis and her fam. Feel bad that we don't have a house we can put people up in. But on the other hand, I do get the space to prevent me from saying anything that will get me one of those looks from hubby.

The rest of the day actually went okay for the most part. When sis and fam got in we all went there and had pizza. The grandkids all play together really, really well. Going home was flip out time. As I walked out carrying youngest child who is arching his back and trying to kick off his boots as he's howling inconsolably, I pass a dad with two boys about 8 and 10 in the hall, heading to the hotel pool, and he starts dancing and singing:

Been there, done that
Been there, done that
They're ol-der now!!

I'll leave it to your imagination as to whether I smiled politely or decked him.

The update on my FIL is that he will have a procedure - angioplasty, I think - to open an blockage, and will have surgery on his colon after Christmas, which they expect to go well. I feel peaceful about it all and I'm not sure if that's God or denial.

evaluating the church

I'm reading Evaluation: A Systematic Approach (7th ed.).
I'm not recommending this one (because I know you were all getting ready to rush out and buy it on my say so). But I did find something quite relevant to my thoughts on church. I quote:

"Stakeholders in well-established social programs are generally very reluctant to alter the programs' traditional forms and approaches unless some crisis compels them to consider fundamental change."

Substitute churches for social programs and you see what I'm getting at. The emerging church is a conversation that looks at fundamental change. For me, it took a crisis to start to question the traditional forms and approaches. I'm curious if that is the same for others - does it always take a crisis to start to question something that seems so basic?

What is the traditional form? For me, it meant the tie to a local body, through attendance and involvement, was necessary to fulfill the great commission and for the spiritual health of the believer. This assumption is everywhere. College applications for faith based institutions, for example, always ask questions about the student's ties to a certain body. When I run into a Christian I haven't seen for awhile, I'll usually ask about where they are attending.

It never occurred to me to question these assumptions. In fact, a year ago I would have been very uncomfortable doing so. Generally, our thoughts on social programs, churches and life in general tend to remain fairly intact, and often we don't even think to question the assumptions we live by.

Now I'm asking - is it the tie to a local body or relationships with other believers that matters? Should we be so concerned about local bodies as opposed to the universal church? Can involvement in the church, as it is, actually serve to discourage relationship, responsibility and meaningful action that would help more people discover Jesus?

As the quesitoning of church forms is well underway by many more people than just myself (Google 'emerging church' if you want to see what I mean), I am wondering if there is a crisis underway that I am unaware of. Why, at this point in time, are so many people coming to question the church as it is?

prayer, please

We just heard that Rob's dad had a heart attack. I'll post more when I know more. Rob's gone to the hospital.

Update: New Date for "a complicated kindness"

Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Still at 8
Still at my place so far.

Roots of Empathy

Roots of Empathy is a program offered in MB schools in which a baby and parent(s) visit a classroom once a month throughout the school year and the visits are used as ways to spur on the ability of children to be empathetic. From all I've heard, it is wonderful. I picked up the book that the founder recently got published and I have to transcribe this part (you know it must have moved me when I type this much of someone else's thoughts)

Darren was the oldest child I ever saw in a ROE class. He was in grade 8 and had been held back twice. He was two years older than everyone else and already starting to grow a beard. I knew his story: his mother had been murdered in front of his eyes when he was four years old, and he had lived in a succession of foster homes ever since. Darren looked menacing because he wanted us to know he was tough: his head was shaved except for a ponytail at the top and he had a tattoo on the back of his head.

The instructor of the ROE program was explaining to the class about differences in terperament that day. She invited the young mother who was visiting the class with Evan, her six-month-old baby, to share her thoughts about her baby's temperament. Joining in the discussion, the mother told the class how Evan liked to face outwards when he was in the Snugli and didn't want to cuddle into her, and how she would have preferred to have a more cuddly baby. As the class ended, the mother asked if anyone wanted to try on the Snugli, which was green and trimmed with pink brocade. To everyone's surprise, Darren offered to try it, and as the other students scrambled to get ready for lunch, he strapped it on. Then he asked if he could put Evan in. The mother was a little apprehensive, but she handed him the baby, and he put Evan in, facing towards his chest. That wise little baby snuggled right in, and Darren took him into a quiet corner and rocked back and forth with the baby in his arms for several minutes. Finally,l he came back to where the mother and the ROE instructor were waiting and he asked: "If nobody has ever loved you, do you think you could still be a good father?"

This was one of the stories the author told when she was in Winnipeg recently. I felt very strongly that I was to buy her book, that it was important at this point in my journey. I'm at the very beginning right now. Here are some more quotes:

The program puts relationships at the centre of what creates a civil society...

To the baby every child in the class is a new experience and she is ready to engage with all of them. In her world view there are no popular children and no nasty children. What the baby does see, over and over again, are the children who are unhappy or troubled, and she usually reaches out to them. Children who have felt alienated or excluded are drawn into a circle of inclusion through the empathic contact made by the baby.

As children develop empathy it seems to come ready-made with courage and imagination.

After an example of a child standing up to a bully...

Every child in the class had been given a new promise - that these small acts of cruelty would not be tolerated, and that they would find support if they, too, were victims.

I see why I had to read this book. Here again, the theme of relationships is running through. I remembered my own childhood bullies. I never got beat up so I never before thought of myself as being bullied. But being systematically excluded and ridiculed can do damage that is never seen as bruises and cuts. Where it is seen is a 37 year old woman who still finds friendships hard to form and still has trouble believing she is welcome. Don't worry, I'm not going to go into an inner child pity party. I do however, find it helpful to remind myself that affecting our children's lives is important because even what we regard as small things can have very long term consequences, both positive and negative.

Are you looking for a new church?
Where are you going now?
Have you found a place yet?

I've been asked questions like that in the last while, but right now I'm thinking more about when I was the one asking the questions of friends who had left their churches. I've always attended a church except for Bible College which was like being in church constantly. I've also always had someplace to go before leaving one. So at first I didn't want to even say I'd left WCV until I actually knew where I was going. Then it became obvious to me that, like it or not, I'd left. As I remember telling a boyfriend when we broke up, it comes down to that I just don't feel the same way anymore. It was awkward to not be going anywhere.

Then something happened. I felt like God told me to quite worrying about attending a church and concentrate on being the church. And now those things I used to ask and worry about in my friends' lives seem strange to me. Why was I so worried if they did not belong to a local body? Why was I so relieved when they found a place to park their backsides each Sunday? Why was that enough for me to believe that spiritually they were okay? Sure, they may not be relating or feel a part of community, but at least they're attending.

Now I'm examining the emerging church and realizing there are many Christians out there who are relating, loving and being the church without necessarily belonging to anything that looks like a local body. And they are happy. And they are questioning what the church should look like. And so am I.

What is church? I was talking about CPC this week and repeated what I have heard the ED say a few times, "I don't think CPC is parachurch, I think it is the church." I know many people find that hard to swallow. But what is the church? CPC is a place where people love each other, minister to the world, receive ministry, pray, find healing, have fun and grow into Jesus' likeness. Is that not the church? Does the NT distinguish between universal church, local church and parachurch? We are the church, no matter what form we're found in. But, as Cindy asked on her blog, does the form suit the function?

I don't want to just attend anymore. It's not enough for me. I want to know and be known, to come to a place of relationship where I can genuinely care for people instead of it feeling forced so much of the time. I believe if I never attend again but have a network of real relationships, people who encourage me and spur me on to love and good deeds, and I do the same for them, I'll be way ahead of where I have been - attending with little to show for it. I'm not saying attending in itself is bad, but for me, it replaced what I needed. I'm focusing on relationships, and I feel more free and alive spiritually than I have in a long, long time.

"a complicated kindness" discussion night

Looking at the schedules that came my way, I think that

Monday, November 28, 2005
8:00 pm
261 Perth Ave.

will be the date, time and location.

I chose 8 because my kids will be all tucked in their room by that time and I'm hoping others with kid considerations will also find that time helpful.

If more people are interested please let me know. Location may change to Loraleigh's if interest grows.

I may just make pluma moos or something (I have no idea how to spell it) just to add to the flavor of the evening.

House for sale

Anyone want to buy a house? 900-some square feet 1 1/2 story. Water heater about 10 years old, furnace replaced 5 years ago. Some work needs to be done and we will consider that in the price.

Oooh, ooh, ooh

In reference to below:

Yes, it was "a complicated kindness" and I would LOVE to discuss.

Loraleigh and Mercy are interested. Anyone else?

I'm free most evenings - except Nov. 24 - this month.

If it's not too many people we can have it at my house. If more than 5, we'll need a different volunteer.

I'll post to Breathe, too.

Me thinks that ought to be effective

emergent chicks?

The old friend I referred to suggested I check out a blog by another old friend who writes a lot on the emerging church. I did, and being who I am, my eyes noticed this entry as I has skimming along: Wanted: Emerging/Missional Chick Bloggers

As the emergent church seems to be largely driven by blogging, it has been noticed by several people that there aren’t a lot of women leaders. I’m still not quite sure how you decide if someone is a leader in a conversation. How many comments they get? Anyhow, he went on to say:

most of the female bloggers I knew of spent a fair bit of time talking about themselves, their kids, and what they did that day. They all have “wonderful” husbands (a description which I doubt that even they believe all the time, though that single word seems to describe all of them without exception in their profiles). It isn’t that we don’t like their kids or anything, and I really don’t want to offend, but for most of us, these are not that interresting to us unless (or until) we know the blogger. For these, even though they may be part of the emerging church, their blogs are not part of the emerging conversation in quite the same way... I’m not saying that personal entries are bad — even I do those from time to time… what I am saying is that when they’re the vast majority, the blog in general takes on a different character, and the emerging conversation becomes somewhat secondary at best.

Well, I’ve definitely noticed that difference, too. As I’m venturing into the emergent conversation, mainly as a lurker, for now, it has come to my attention that almost all the blogs seem to be by men.

I see blogging on a spectrum. At one end, you have all these brainy types, often male, who usually write almost entirely about one subject and almost never anything personal. Family is almost unheard of, it is often almost impossible to tell if they have a wife and kids, never mind what they feel or do. It’s all about ideas, thoughts, beliefs. I find I can lurk on these blogs, but it actually bores me if there’s no connection to life. Example: One of my first thoughts in thinking on the EC is where kids fit into the mix. This topic is very hard to find on blogs of the EC. Ideas are great, but how does it apply to life? How do we do this?

On the other end you have the ones that are all about the blogger and her life, and I say her because they do seem to be mostly female. I don’t find these that interesting either. If it’s someone I know, I stop by every now and again, but how can you converse about someone’s life? You can’t discuss much about going to the grocery store.

The ones I appreciate the most, usually female, seem to be in between. They are able to discuss their thoughts, opinions, and ideas, but also relate it back to the concrete of real life in a real world. They are relational. I don’t trust bloggers who never discuss family and feelings. How can I relate to someone who doesn’t reveal themselves?

Will women assume a leadership role in the emergent conversation? I think if they have to blog like men to do so, the answer will be no. But I wonder if men can learn to appreciate the way that women process, because I think it is a necessity. As I said, ideas are great, but the church is driven by relationship, and that has been unbalanced in recent years, IMO (interestingly enough – so has gender in leadership). I can’t count the number of times I have heard women say that their husbands feel disconnected, like they don’t really have friends, that there is a bit of envy about women’s retreats and the like where we really relate and get to know each other. If that is men’s perceptions of themselves and not just women’s perceptions of them, my guess is that it’s time to show your hearts, guys, and not just your brains.

The other thing for me is, how much time do you have to spend on one subject? Is this a m/f thing? In the last month, the books I've bought (and mostly read) are very diversified:

• the fast food industry, marketing practices and health
• research on the effects of childhood poverty
• a program designed to encourage empathy among school children
• the application of values in the workplace to create joy among employees
• attachment and the parent child relationship
• a novel exploring the Mennonite culture

I don't know how I could possibly blog on one subject continuously when there is so much to read, think, experience and do in the world. How bland.

So although I desire to hear women's voices on the church, this woman in particular does not feel led to limit her blog to intellectual discussions on a single subject. Is this just me, or is it womanhood?

Bored? No, Board!

I don't think I've let you know I'm a CPC board member? Quite cool - I used to be a volunteer there many moons ago, and though I didn't have the emotional stamina to keep that up along with youth care. But I've kept loving the place and supporting it as well as I could. I don't know when, but at some point it occurred to me that maybe I would be a board member some day. Some day - way off (I don't know - I think of board members as being at least 45). Then one day I dropped off old baby clothes and mat clothes at CPC (did I mention we are DONE having kids?) and the director asked me if I'd be interested. Further talking, meeting and it just seemed very God, very timely. I'm finally at a place in my life where I'm seeing how to best use my gifts to serve, and this is an opportunity to serve in a capacity that suits who I am and the amount of time I can give realistically.

So send us money!

Back into attachment

Went to hear Gordon Neufeld tonight, author that I wrote about a few entries back now. Even today, I was reminded of attachment. I put Ash in the shower (but without "collecting" her first - that was a mistake of ignoring attachment). She fought me all throughout the shower, then fought and hit me through the drying off. I wrapped her in the towel and held her so she couldn't hit me. I asked her if she wanted me to go away while she calmed down or stay with her.

With fierce anger in her voice, she cried, "I want you to stay with me!!!"

There was nothing new tonight that I hadn't read in the book, but it was really good to get an overall refresher and remember - oh yeah, that's what's working, and those are the areas I still need to work on.

While Gordon focuses on parent and child relationships, he points out that attachment is everywhere, including our adult relationships like our marriages and our workplace relationships. And I realized, that's essentially what happened for me church-wise. I realized I wasn't attached there anymore.

I ran into an old friend from Bible College - who, of course, is coming to a place of reexamining church and life, finding balance and relationship. Why do I get the feeling I'm going to keep running into people who are feeling the same way we do?

Is it leadership or just regular crazy?

You gotta read today's Dilbert. (If you don't read it today, you'll have to go to the Past strips link and click on today's date.)

Oh, how true. I actually have been blessed with some great supervisors, but there are so many other times when I wonder, "How do these people get their jobs?" Psychopaths do great on executive job interviews (true story - it was in a Free Press article a while back)

I love the manager I work with the most (technically no longer my supervisor as I am self- employed) but when i have to work with some others - whoo boy. Super-sensitive, married to bureacracy, judgemental, unable to decide or move a project along, inability to approach someone directly, playing favorites - this is what I've seen a lot of.

Well, wadayaknow

I've finally sat down to examine this whole emergent/emerging church thing.
I seem to have been speaking the talk for awhile without realizing it.
I'm emergent.
Now what?

discussing discussions

I get a charge out of discussion and debate (if I dare call it debate – I think some fear the term). I gather the Apostle Paul did, too, from all those rambling epistles he wrote, so I think I'm in good company.

But - important to do it in love, and I'm sensing that some feel that I and my hubby are failing in that regard. If so, I'm not sure where, because for us this has been about ideas from the start, not people. I don't think we have called anybody a name, but we have been challenging of ideas. I think we can separate how we feel about a person from what we think about their ideas, and I think we have done so.

I'll admit, I have a very strong internal reaction in this discussion - and by discussion I am including the swirling entries on various blogs: Yvonne's, Cindy's, Shane's. Why? Well, while I was never involved in the first discussions, they were about a decision I had also made. Some of the things said:

“participating in an exclusively pagan event” and “choos[ing] darkness” and “loitering in the middle” were phrases used to describe the decision to participate at all.

Comparisons to cancer, going to a strip club and doing crack cocaine were made.

People talked about black and white, light and darkness and compromise, implying that those who participate are in the black, embracing darkness and compromising.

There was definitely the belief present that the decision to participate was wrong. But, I chose to see this as a commentary on the decision, and not the decision makers. I have responded about the logic, and the theology, but I don’t see where I or Rob have maligned anyone. If you who are reading this feel we have maligned someone, please point that out.

Bluntly put: I believe those who believe the decision to participate is wrong, are themselves wrong (which is not the same as the decision not to participate being wrong – the decision either way has to be based on conscience). I don’t think they are evil or stupid, but I do not agree with their opinion on this issue. And I responded because I believe it is important for Christians to think and discuss.

I also realize that some are uncomfortable with the idea of Christians disagreeing and discussing, or it is okay to discuss a little bit and then you’d best shut ‘er down. I don’t feel or believe that way. I see an awful lot of discussion going on in the NT, an awful lot of examining issues in light of scripture, sharpening thinking skills. I want to see more discussion in the church, not less. We have seen the church focus on little, bitty issues (men’s earring come to mind) and become divisive over it, and that is sad. But now the pendulum has swung the other way, and some Christians seem willing to tolerate really, really bad theology in the name of love, and I think that is sad, too (I am not referring to the Halloween discussion in this, but rather things like the health and wealth movement).

Where is this discussion on the spectrum? I see it as having the potential of eternal consequences, and seemingly so do the people on the other side of the issue. If those who disagree with me are right, by “participating in darkness” I could be setting a bad example for my children and leading them to compromise on all sorts of areas, as well as not differentiating the church from the world. If I am right, the decision to boycott Halloween could be seen as flakery and one more reason to just reject Christianity outright, and a compromise on the issues of freedom in Christ and rejection of legalism.

I can allow for a certain amount of personality differences, too. I have spent too many years lamenting the fact that I seem to be a mind-person surrounded by spirit-people. I feel like God spoke to me about that lately. I remember feeling very excited about a book I was reading and the ideas it was generating and praying about it and talking about it and the thought came into my head that, “For you, Judi, this is worship.” What? My love for thinking, analyzing, generating and validating ideas has a spiritual side to it? I was stuck in a framework of having to somehow change me to be a person who operates differently than what comes naturally. Now, I’m seeing the way I operate as a gift. I couldn’t be in the career I am in without that gift, and the career I am in is where I firmly believe God wants me. So I don’t expect that everyone is going to be energized and engaged in the same way in discussions such as these. But for those of us who are, I believe we are created that way for a reason, to be people who challenge the church to think in a way that makes her grow and become stronger. I have a place! Who knew? But are others willing to let me have that place, or does debate scare so much that my role will be rejected? I have definitely felt that rejection at various points. Now I am questioning the rejection rather than myself. In wherever God is leading our family, I believe it will include a strong thinking/discussion dynamic.

I think this whole discussion as it has spilled from blog to blog has been important and needed. It has felt uncomfortable and scary for some at times. It’s okay to feel that way, but I encourage people to not let those feelings shut down future discussions. We can work through issues while still loving people. We really can.

"Waitress, reality cheque please..." - Rob Daly

Forgive me, I’m not passing judgements- me least of all, nor casting aspersions on anyone’s character- I can’t afford to :).

I would completely agree with some of these folks- darkness, glorification of evil etc. if it weren’t for one or two niggly little points.

When was the last time anyone saw a Druid? Haven’t seen any “Druid Crossing” signs in my travels, no “Druids eat free” offers at Perkins. I don’t see any meaningful connective tissue between what allegedly occurred hundreds of years ago on another land mass and what we North Americans do on Oct.31^st today. There is nothing in scripture, that I can see anyway, telling of sinister spiritual activity being powered or otherwise influenced by the joy and fellowship enjoyed on this day by those to whom the Kingdom of God is said to belong- kids. If anything, Satan would be having a bad day by any logical line of thought.

I’m seeing a lot of, forgive me, silly comparisons being drawn by albeit well-meaning folks between what we in North America commonly do on Oct.31^st and things like cancer, drug and alcohol abuse etc. Aside from slightly increasing ones risk of cancer from the crap the manufacturers put in candy and chocolate, confectionary wax to name one…yuk, unless folks start handing out bags o’ crack & a Bud , I don’t see any practical comparison.

IMHO Yvonne made the only right choice, not because dressing up and collecting candy, or scary masks bother God, but because she was “not fully convinced” in her heart and mind. But for folks to go from this right, good decision and springboard into telling me I’m participating in pagan practices by dressing up my girls as two bunches of purple, juicy grapes and letting them collect goodies after we have a bonding time in carving a carefully chosen and rotund member of the squash family…well, maybe we need to put down the Neil Anderson book, go for a walk and get a little fresh air.

For those choosing the Kosher plate and do so to the Lord, more power to ya’- for me and mine, in the Lord, pass the pork chops and hold the yoke.

R.

desperate middle of the night inspiration

So I laidConor down after the second time he came to our bed in the middle of the night. Philisophically, I have no problems with kids in bed with us but I do not sleep well if they do. I can usually let him fall asleep and sneak him back to his own bed, but as soon as I did that - WAAAAH!

I had to go to the washroom so I listened as he tore around the house screeching, pushing the table around, banging on the bathroom door.

Even Ferber was starting to sound like a good idea at 4:00 am.

But I gritted my teeth and said, "It's about attachment, it's about attachment."

He needs to be near me. Proximity is the tool of attachment at this age. So I thought, he has fallen asleep by the side of my bed. Problem: he scoots under the bed in his sleep which I'm really uncomfortable with. Then I realized the solution is so simple: I simply shove a blanket in between the mattress and the boxspring and lay the remainder on the floor for him to sleep on. Add a pillow: Voila! Conor followed me in, collapsed on his makeshift bed and feel asleep until almost 8:00 am.

Wow!

Oh, the things I miss.

Cindy was over here this morning and enlightened me about the Halloween discussions going on various blogs. A virtual explosion. We sat and read and talked about it together. You already know my opinion on it, and once again nothing has changed. I took my kids trick or treating. They had a blast. It was great. My only issue is from a health standpoint - how many treats are okay how often.

I would like to write a couple of more things about it for anyone who is not totally sick of the whole subject. There was a lot of talk about darkness and compromise and how much cancer is okay and would you go to a strip club and so on. Scripture was peppered liberally but I'm not convinced it was used correctly.

Only once or twice was the passage on meat sacrificed to idols mentioned and generally it was not responded to. This discussion is about our response to a cultural reality. If there is any passage in the Bible that applies most to this topic, that is the one, but it was virtually ignored.

I encourage everybody who is concerned about Halloween to read this passage - I Corinthians 8-10.

I find myself wondering what some bloggers would be saying to Paul if he had posted some of this stuff in the comments section. Would they say the Bible's very words are about compromise and giving in to darkness?

Halloween is NOTHING, people. Ghosts aren't real! Witches are fake! (And hey, there are an awful lot of Christians crazy about the Lord of the Rings cosidering that it has such imagery of darkness connected to it - how much darkness is okay?) Even if pagans do use this occassion to offer sacrifices and worship their gods - their gods don't exist!!!!

Not to mention that 99% of our culture doesn't believe any of the stuff anymore than we do. In Paul's day, they did believe the stuff about idols and he still said to not be bothered by it.

Be free!!!!

But don't cause others to stumble!!!!

Don't let anything, anything, block your freedom - except love.

"If I take part in the meal with thankfulness, why am I denounced because of something I thank God for?" (10:30)

We should be just as concerned about stifling freedom as we are about compromise. It is a question of balance.

There has been a very pick and choose mentality in the conversations. Christmas trees have pagan roots. I don't see many people throwing those out. Christmas, Easter and Halloween are all days taken by the church out of a pagan culture and transformed into something that glorifies God. Why are we so stuck on Halloween?

But what bothers me most is the narrow range of what we apply holiness and compromise to. We will agonize over whether to go trick or treating but buy products which came to us via child labour without even batting an eye. We will question costumes but conveniently ignore that corporations we support are laying people off and paying poverty wages while enabling their shareholders to purchase a 7th cadillac.

How about these questions: Should Christians be shopping at Wal-mart? Should we be buying coffee that isn't free trade? What do our investments in RRSPs support? Should we be supporting the United Way when some of our donations go to advance abortion?

These kinds of questions are much, much more important, IMHO, than costumes and candy.

I am urging people to do two things:

1. Apply the whole of Scripture
2. Apply it to your whole life, and not just select pet issues.