Done.

The next time I do research I better be getting paid.

So true...

This is the most requested Sherman's Lagoon Strip

Yep.

I'm about 4 pages (double-spaced) away from my last research paper that I need to do before grad.

So of course I know have an irresistable urge to tool around on the net

glasses

I have strange vision. When I had my eyes checked I was told that my right eye is near-sighted and the left is far sighted. While the right one's impairment is significant, the left one is so minor I never noticed it, so if using contact lenses I only wear one on the right side. When I got glasses, however, the slight corrective lens was put in.
I recently noticed that my eyesight must have changed. When I don't wear my glasses, my left eye can see fine, but when wearing them things are blurry in the distance.
It occurred to me this morning that this has been the story of my spiritual eyesight, too. Growing up in church gave me religious glasses, a way of framing the world that helped where sin distorted vision. But as my spiritual life itself changed, I find that after awhile the glasses can sometimes distort rather than provide clarity. I'm trying to read the Bible, not through evangelical lenses, but in a way that drops some of the assumptions I've carried with me.

these are a few of my favorite things

The BEST thing I did over reading week is to find all the comics I like on the net and put the sites into favorites. Now I can read them every day.

It makes me happy.

Lent

I've decided to observe Lent. Which is funny because I'm late (like for most things). And technically I'm quite Anabaptist, who generally don't overserve Lent (See www.kencollins.com)

I'm giving up sweets and treats. Which is nearly impossible for me. And which seems quite necessary for that exact reason.

I think there must be something to church tradition, and I seem to be drawn to it more and more. So I'm dipping my toes in. I'm not quite sure how to do this, but come along on the journey. Let's see what we find...

hail to the blog queen

Big thanks to Yvonne for posting the new family pic. And to Will for making us look pretty good on film - well, pixels.

don't worry - be happy

Reading Shannon’s post on the Breathe site on can one really choose happiness had me thinking all day. Just a few days ago I had one of these happy happy joy joy Christian songs going through my head (and now that it’s out I’m glad I have forgotten which one so forgive me if I don’t put a whole lot of effort into remembering the title). It was something about being constantly happy since becoming a Christian. That sure hasn’t been my experience. I get so tired of hearing people who insist "I’m healed!" while coughing up a lung. Most Christian TV shows seem to want to portray that, too. Life’s just peachy with Jesus. No cares! No worries!

No way.

I had a time in my life when I tried really, really hard to project the happy, bubbly persona I thought people would love. I was deeply depressed but constantly got remarks such as "You have the world by the tail, Jude!" A friend from that time reappeared in my life about eight years later and remarked how much I had changed – much more subdued. Yes, now I’m me.

Back then I wasn’t choosing happiness. I was denying reality. I no longer deny what is true. If I’m stressed, sick, sad, angry, overwhelmed I admit it. But I’m learning to no longer be a slave to those things. Sometimes one just has to be in a certain mood. If one is grieving a loss, it’s appropriate to feel sad. But other times there are beliefs that get in the way. When I was starting to feel overwhelmed today, I realized I was again believing that chores #1-10 HAD to be done today. Where did the HAD to come from? Once I told myself that I could do or not do whatever I chose, I could leave things and I could take the time to enjoy things and people, the overwhelmed left.

So I feel cautious about the "choosing to be happy" stuff. If it’s not in line with what is true and real, it’s just putting a happy mask on. But if it’s confronting deeper truths, it can be real and it can be good.

I also realized that all these good things often start with love. I want my family to be happy. I don't want my children and hisband to be upset by my upsetness. Sometimes I start by thinking how I can enjoy our day today. And then the other stuff comes. I think the punctuation of the fruits of the spirit should be "Love: joy, peace..."

holidays

I heard a true story about an immigrant to Canada and didn’t know much about Canadian holidays. Her family was invited to neighbours on Thanksgiving Day, and then to a different neighbours for Christmas Day. They were so pleased with how hospitable everyone had been that they wanted to return the favour. So they looked on the calendar for the next holiday. You guessed it – Groundhog Day.

She was disappointed not to find any Groundhog day invitations in the store. Never mind, they made their own. She went to the butcher to ask what meat is traditionally served for Groundhog Day. He said, "I hope not the obvious."

Truly though, does Groundhog Day have any less meaning than other holidays in our society? Valentine’s Day just passed. I don’t even know the true story behind Valentine’s Day. And whatever meaning we had left seems to have dissipated. Looking at Taryn’s collection of Valentines from classmates which incorporate various licensed characters (including The Incredible Hulk and Transformers – characters well known for their charitable attitudes) I sometimes wonder why our society bothers with these days at all.

So now I’m wondering, if we named holidays what they really mean, what would they be?

1. Go on a spending frenzy and stress yourself out over baking, decorations and numerous drinking bashes day.
2. Gorge yourself on chocolate and buy fuzzy critters for the grandkids day.
3. Buy extravagant gifts for someone whom you’ll most likely break up with or divorce while simultaneously making single people feel like crap day.

Mind in transition

All may not be lost regarding a job. I heard something Wednesday that could keep me in the running, but so much is unknown now. The funny thing is, I've had so long to think about self-emplyment and contract work, that I'm no longer sure I want a job. I'm really, really starting to like the idea of a home office, with all it's challenges.

I'm a farm girl and so home life and family life intermingling was normal for me. Daddy might be out on the field but he was home for lunch. Often I just had to walk across the yard and go see him as he worked on something in his workshop.

The show "Circus" was something we watched a while back and Rob and I both had to admit that we loved the concept of family that we saw. Families travelling together, working together.

I think Rob and I have both felt so alone so much of our lives that finding each other was...I'm not sure how to express it. We just feel most right with each other. I've heard other couples talk about needing time away from each other and work being good for that. While we do have alone times - like Rob playing video games or me blogging - we feel best when we're near each other.

However, there is something to be said for a steady paycheque and benefits. I read yester day that in the civil service 50% of employees (75% of sr. managers) are due to retire in the next 10 years. So the possibilities of what I could do in a career will probably grow if I did get a job in gov't.

I feel like the whole question of what to pray for now is moot. I don't know what to pray for. I don't know what I want. I'm just praying that God will do what he knows is best.

Got my macroeconomics mark back (drum roll please)...

I did it! I got an A+.
I am thrilled! and slightly amazed. It was one of those courses where I was never quite confident about anything I did in assignments or exams. It always felt iffy.
Had I got the same mark at Booth it would only be an A. But it doesn't matter. Booth accepts the letter grade, not the percentage. So it goes on my transcript as an A+.

Musing with granola

I am eating the best granola right now, with yogurt. One of Good Eats recipes. I used to watch that show. Haven't seen it in ages.

Rob is watching one of the Lord of the Ring movies. Again. How many times can a single person watch the same movie before his brain starts to shut down from lack of new stimuli?

Thinking about that man that got shot by a police officer the other day. The reactions are a bit much. I think the aboriginal community feels so unheard about so much that when a situation like this arises it is no longer just about the situation but about everything that happened over the last 500 years. Kind of like when you're arguing with your spouse over something that happened today and then suddenly you find yourself bringing up things that have happened over your history together.

The trouble is, as valid as their views on discrimination are, it does not mean that this officer is racist, and it does not mean that this act was avoidable. And when assumptions are made, it tends to make people less likely to listen to their valid concerns and more likely to dismiss them as reactionary.

So many people have said he was a good kid. Who steals cars. And mugs people. And comes after a cop with a screwdriver. He just fell in with the wrong crowd. Apparently the people in the wrong crowd never get in the paper. You don't hear any mothers say, "Yeah, he was one of the wrong crowd. Led a whole bunch of other youths into crime. Bad influence all around."

I've always had a bit of a problem with the whole "There are no bad kids" philosophy. It doesn't seem to mesh with orthodox theology too well. Can't say that, though. Very bad to say that. Guess I'm bad. No wait, I'm good! I mean I understand where it's coming from. I don't want my kids thinking, "I'm bad." But at some point it seems to turn unrealistic, a lack of acknowledgement that we all have destructive tendencies that need to be curbed in order to be civilized. (I can't wait to hear Bev's reply. I know it's coming.)

Conor only sleeps well when he's right beside me. The crib is right beside my bed, but that 2 feet makes all the difference in the world. He sleeps quite soundly if he is near me. In his crib he wakes up so often that I don't get any sleep. So for the most part I don't try moving him back in once he wakes up and bfs. While I am a fan of bed-sharing, I have to admit, I'm a little concerned about how to help him be able to sleep without me.

Hair today...

Finally got my hair cut today. It was getting dead - well, technically hair is all dead, but you know what I mean. I didn't want to take the time to get it cut. I even thought about following in Erica's footsteps and get my husband to trim it. But I may be getting grad pics, and I kinda want to look good.

It does look pretty good. When the stylist was styling it she asked if I wanted the curl to really come out. "Oh yeah! I got it, I flaunt it!"

housing

Just reading Cindy's account of leaky roofs. It's everywhere.

Rob just redid the coving and drywall in part of our living room that got water damage. Now it seems to have happened again.

Oh, and the squirrels have wreaked havoc in our attic. We can see on the roof where the spaces are that there is NO MORE INSULATION because the snow melts at those places.

Let's pretend!

I put aside the evening to be with my kids. The girls wanted to play dolls. So I dutifully sat on the floor and dressed the poor naked creatures while they took their clothes off - the dolls, not the girls. Although they can be quite into running around naked as well.

Then Taryn starts coming up with ideas of how we can play pretend, who should be mommy, daddy. Then she said, "I know, Mommy, you can be the mama, and we'll be your kids, and you can take care of us!" Yes, why don't we pretend that!

Later on she airbanded to "Pretty Woman" with the Roy Orbison sunglasses and all.

Bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored

I was so bored at work this week!
Ah, well, the honeymoon had to end, I guess. Even though I still like what I'm doing, at times research without a break/variety can get tedious.
My kids are getting into the words "bored" and "boring" now. Funny how it's fine if I use it but it drives me crazy when my kids use it.

By the way...

Anyone have luck with a brand of non-stick pan on which the teflon doesn't flake off after a month or so? T-fal sucks.

work option

I heard yesterday that no new jobs will be opening up in April, after all. The positions will be either secondments or contract.
I've been investigating the whole contract/self-employed option. I'm beginning to like the idea. A home office. Work from there, go to meetings when necessary. Rob will be less stressed because he won't have to cart the kids back and forth every time he goes to school with/for Taryn or needs to run an errand. I set my own hours. Tax breaks for a home business, use of van.
Disadvantages: no benefits, EI, vacation. However, the money I can make might be significantly more than I could make taking a job elsewhere, more than the value of benefits foregone. We'd have to be wise with saving- set up an auto withdrawl.
4 people I work with were students at one time. At least two of them started out with contract work after grad. My supervisor is doing her thing in planting seeds to make work for me once I'm no longer an intern.
What do you think? Wise? Crazy?