Wow...

Blogging about led me to this sight on Ezzo. Some of the stuff is also about the Baby Whisperer.

Most people I know who have read their stuff have done so critically, and that's good, because info like this reminds us why we HAVE to be discerning.

I also like the article Should Christians avoid criticizing Gary Ezzo? because I sometimes sense this rule in the church that you should never say anything bad about another Christian - just live and let live. But sometimes light needs to be shed.

What do you think?

If...

If saunas are so great, why do we all want air conditioning?

Of babies and nighttime

For the most part I've found parenting Conor to be very similar to parenting Taryn and Ashlin, but there are a couple of exceptions. One of them is night - the girls slept through the night, even 8 hours at a time, fairly early on. Not so Conor. It's not unusual for him to be waking up 4 times a night even now that he's one year old. I find the way for me to get sleep is sometimes to just keep him in bed with me all night. Once I put him back in his crib, he soon wakes up. Rob often sleeps on an air mattress in the living room so that he can be free from crowding and crying and be in a better place to parent the kids the next day.

Not ideal. I'm sure many people would tell me to let him cry himself to sleep, and I'd be lying if I said I've never done that - generally only after I've tried to nurse him and nothing consoles him. But as a general rule I'm not comfortable with not comforting a baby who wants comfort. I started out as an attachment parent and for the most part I like the way that it energizes my parenting. Since I've been learning more about child development at work I've become more convinced of this. How we respond to our babies actually affects how their brains develop. Research is finding that babies who grow up particularly stressed have different stress reactions later on. We all get certain chemicals that flood our system when stressed, the flight or fight response. Kids who were nurtured have these chemical levels return to normal fairly quickly. The levels do not go down quickly for those kids who grew up stressed. This impairs the functioning of other parts of the body, such as the immune system, and makes concentrating on other things difficult.

Now the type of stress that the researchers refer to is much greater than what Conor would experience even if I let him cry it out often. But the principle stands. How we respond to babies affects not only that situation but affects their development, which will impact their lives.

(I'm going somewhere with this, by the way)

So I turned towards the experts who I knew wouldn't tell me to let him cry it out - Sears and Sears. They wrote that many parents ask their doctors about this and many doctors say the parents should just let the baby cry. They go on to say that doctors should not be giving advice in matters they have not been trained in, and I nodded inwardly. But they also wrote something that gave me a start - that parents should not be asking doctors about matters that are about parenting. They challenged parents to trust their inner instincts and what this tells them about babies' needs.

No, I'd never ask a doctor about my baby's crying. But I felt more comfortable consulting a book than listening to myself. My angst about the nighttime situation was mainly that I felt like my kid wasn't normal, and I needed to make him normal. But who is telling me what is normal for MY kid's sleep patterns? Ferber? Ezzo? Other parents? Maybe I need to listen more to my kid and my own gut.

Is there something wrong with Conor? Not necessarily. The book did reassure me that about 10% of babies don't sleep through the night for the first two years. He seems healthy and happy generally, so I think he's okay. He just has a different sleep pattern. It's not necessarily something I have to do something about.

And we found a solution where we all get sleep. Conor in bed with me, Rob in the LR if need be. I didn't like our solution, not because it doesn't work for us (it does!) but because I felt like that would be considered unacceptable - a husband and wife not sleeping together? GASP! But it's not about our relationship, it's about sleep, and we're getting it this way, which improves our relationship.

Trusting myself, my instincts, trusting my kids to develop at their own pace. Hard for me.

Taryn has taken it upon herself to inform us of all the goings-on in the world. Today I was making supper. Taryn was watching TV. She comes into the kitchen and says, "Mommy, there are diapers that help stop leaks so that babies feel more comfortable. Mommy, we have a baby." (Pause while she watches me unsuccessfully trying to stifle a chuckle.) "Mommy, when you laugh at me I feel embarrassed."

I explained that sometimes adults find things that kids say funny. She left the kitchen and I followed her to reassure her that that happened to me, too, when I was a kid. I hugged her. She said, "Can you go back in the kitchen now?"

Sometimes she seems to be turning 13 at her next birthday.

More on Politics

This is especially in reply to Mercy's comment.

Man, we should talk. Since I started in government I feel bursting with ideas - but who's interested in politics?

Part of the problem - media reports on the sensational. Progress and hope do not make the news much.

Let me tell you about a couple of things of hope:

1. The teen pregnancy rate is dropping all over Canada. I just reviewed the stats myself in the last while. That is good news as less kids are born to mothers who are not ready to look after them. And probably less abortions will go on, too. We often hear about the problem of teen pregnancy, but how many of us know that in Manitoba it is 3/4 of what it was a few years ago?

2. There are many programs that have been introduced in Manitoba that are improving parenting - this improves kids' chances. Evaluations are showing that these things really do make a difference. In Manitoba, in regards to children at least, there is much more of an emphasis on implementing solutions that have shown themselves to be effective and evaluating to make sure what we do is working. It's not just about throwing money at things, it's about outcomes.

There ARE good things happening - they just don't get much air time. Even though the federal Liberals, for example, have done such STUPID things, they have also had policies that have helped families - expanding mat and parental leave, uping EI to 80% coverage for low income families, giving greater Child Tax Credits, implementing Millenium scholarships and RESPs for families who can't afford to contribute for their own children, and universal child care is, IMHO, a very important step to help all families, but especially families in poverty.

In short - there is waste, but not all money is wasted. Governments do good things and bad things - kind of like us.

I do work in a part of government that is a bit more progressive - many people have told me that my exposure is not an accurate picture of government. So maybe I'm unrealistically optimistic. But I do think change is possible.

serving

There are many times I've asked myself if I really belong at WCV. I suppose it would be like this at any church really - there are attributes that I feel fit and then there are parts that don't seem to mesh at all.
What I keep noticing is that the themes in my life resonate with the themes at WCV. Take this weekend. On Saturday what was on my mind was this: I suck at serving. If Rob is sick or has a bad headache, my first thought is generally not Poor Rob, it's Poor me, I have to do more work now. What is the sermon about on Sunday? Serving, humility, unity.
It really is about attitude. And that's the hardest thing to change. I'm really, really good at faking it - doing what I should do no matter how I feel. I used to think that is what the Christian life was about, acting according to rules rather than emotions.
Not very life-giving. And that, I think, is where the work of the Holy Spirit comes in. I can quite easily follow rules on my own strength. I don't find I can change my heart. If God doesn't change my attitudes, I don't think there is much hope for me to really love instead of just play acting.

Feeling sorry for myself.

I took my kids to the Public Works Expo, and all I got was this lousy cold.

What was I thinking?

Actually, what was Rob thinking when he suggested I take Taryn and Conor while he stayed home with an ill little Ashlin?

Feel awful.

Bleah.

Religion and politics

I'm reading the book God's Politics by Jim Wallis. I'll probably have a few entries on this as I go along. Although the book is by an American and about America, it is not hard to link concepts to the situation in Canada today. They have a situation where Republicans are associated with Christianity. We have a situation in which the Canadian Alliance is associated with Christianity. For both, it's because of "moral issues" : abortion and gay marriage are the top two. But both right wing parties fail to see that issues of common good, such as poverty and the environment, are also moral issues.

I thought one of the most salient points was that George W. Bush is not a man without compassion, and his faith seems genuine. But he has a mindset of charity, not a mindset of justice.

Ditto for the Canadian Alliance and leaders such as Manning, Day and Harper. I have no reason to doubt that their faith is real. But they have embraced an individualistic ideology that does not see justice and the common good as something for governments to be concerned about. I think government should be the one primarily concerned about it. It is the only institution that has the capacity to impact justice in any substantial way. I believe it was Manning I was reading one time where he said that government should not deliver charity, that's the role of the church and non-profits. I don't find that to be biblical. God himself called upon governments in the OT to do justice.

The individualistic mindset blames the poor - if they would only make better decisions they would be okay. It ignores the systemic issues that create poverty and disadvantage. I used to be a fan of the saying Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you respond to it. One of the defining moments in my thinking was when I was reading an author who criticized the left thinkers who believe that people are good, but society is bad. How could a bunch of good people create a bad society? While I was agreeing with him, the thought that zinged into my head (that I strongly suspect as the HS) was, But you believe that sinful people can create a neutral society. Another defining moment was when I started to really examine what the Bible says about the poor. While it doesn't fail to make a link between people's actions and their outcomes (Prov 6:10-11), most of the time the poor are said to be in need of deliverance, not behaviour change.

Wallis shows how America's history is full of people who let their faith guide their politics and the result was progress: civil rights, women's suffrage, abolition of slavery.

I don't know Canadian history well. But Tommy Douglas and Nelly McClung are 2 people who snap to mind as deeply spiritual and very progressive in advocating for justice.

Without a vision, the people perish.

I'm starting to wonder what vision might be possible for the political landscape in Canada.

Here's my new goal in life.
Collecting all of these.

(What, you expected something spiritual?)

Meeting of ministers ho hum. I was there in case there were any questions about the part I worked on. There weren't. Decent food, though.

Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep

I find this phrase on my mind a lot these days. I don't think I've ever been happier in my life than I am right now. I have a family I love, a job I like, I can work from home 80% of the time which gives us a new sense of balance, friends who care about me whom I enjoy, and issues that were huge in the past have lost some of their sting.

But everyone around me is not always so happy. Rob sometimes struggles in his role, even though he is glad to be a SAHD. Cindy has written lately on her blog about her perspectives on suffering, especially as she mothers a son with a profound cognitive disability. My sister and her husband are going through an especially stressful time right now.

It was the last one that started my thinking on rejoicing, weeping and relating. Sharon and Len came out from Sask to celebrate my graduation with me. For me there was so much to celebrate: I made it through a challenging program "with great distinction", I was hired even before graduating and I may soon be a self-employed social worker in policy, the field that challenged and intrigues me. The stress they are in was readily apparent, even physically, and when asked they were honest about how their situation is wearing on them. While we were together, they celebrated with us, and we prayed with them; I didn't feel that my celebration was diminished, and I don't think they felt like their pain was minimized.

Another situation has been on my mind, but a very different connection. In fact, almost no connection. Most of you who read this blog know who Joy and Derek are, but for those who don't I'll let you know that they are a couple from our church who had a child stillborn because of anacephaly, a condition where the child's head and brain do not form properly. Although we are from the same church, our church is large enough that I don't know them personally, in fact, I can't even recall talking to them. But being from the same church, I know parts of their story. And perhaps it's just because of being part of the same community that I've felt drawn to hear about their experience by reading their blog. Just last night I viewed the claymation in honor of their son River's life.

Inevitably, when I hear their story, two things happen. I cry. And then I go and kiss every one of my kids in their beds. Because I know how much my kids mean to me, I can't help but cry for their loss. I don't understand what Joy and Derek have gone through and continue to go through. But I can imagine what it would feel like and I grieve with them. In that time of weeping with those who weep, I remember the blessings I have, and I remember not to take my kids for granted. Even from a distance, weeping and rejoicing together, as family, as community, lifts us all up.

Hey, Yvonne...

What's the difference between a musician and a large pizza?

All for the best?

Rob wasn't at all concerned about the interview not going well (IMO). He reminded me that God's hand seems really evident in getting us this far so he's probably not going to drop us now. If I get one of the jobs (the interview was for 3 positions), God wants me to have it. If he doesn't, I won't. Simple.

I don't really even want a job. I want to be self-employed. I want to work on contracts for where I'm working now. I have a line on a different contract (Cindy, you'll be interested to know it's with FAFAM). There are a lot of unknowns. I'm prayng that I will only get offered a job if it's what God wants me to have. Otherwise, I don't know how to make a decision.

Here's my exciting news of today. I get to attend a meeting! Oooh, that sounds like fun, you say, the sarcasm practically dripping off your chin. Well, what if I told you it was a meeting of the Cabinet committee that oversees our office? Huh? Huh? What then? I'm assuming all readers know what a cabinet committee is, but maybe I should explain. Cabinet are the heads of state, the Ministers of the Manitoba Government. It's going to be a rare look into some of the goings on at the legislature.

Mind in transition

I had a job interview today.
(Turns out the contract work I was hoping for may not be coming after all)
DON'T ASK HOW IT WENT.
Okay, I'll tell you.
Maybe, if they are really generous and allow for my nervousness, they might, MIGHT have come away with the impression that I do have an IQ higher than a kleenex box.

Rant

Today I feel like ranting. I have run into a lot of women lately who choose not to breastfeed and I just don't get it. I suppose it is possible even in this day and age that someone still may not know the evidence for breastfeeding and against substitutes. But it seems like many do at least have some knowledge about it but still choose not to breastfeed because they don't like it.

I feel like shaking these women and shouting, "That's parenting, babe! It's not ABOUT what you LIKE, it's about what is good for your kid!!"

Most of us would quite willingly die for our kids, but we won't breastfeed for them? We won't try to find enjoyment in this time of bonding? Failing that, we won't suck it up (no pun intended) and just do it because that's what maturity is about?

I suppose I don't understand the not enjoying it thing. I have enjoyed breastfeeding, but a major part of that is knowing that I'm doing something that is so good for my kids. If someone was handing out breakfast cereals to feed children while saying, "This will give them some, but not all, of the nutrients children need, but they will be more likely to have ear infections and gastrointestinal infections, more likely to be obese, have asthma, have allergies, have diabetes. Oh, and they may not be as smart as they otherwise would have been," who would choose to feed that to their kids? But that's exactly the effect of formula. Yes, some children eat it and are okay. But why even take the chance, knowing that your child might be one of those who does get chronic ear infections, who will get asthma, who will suffer diarrhea, who will die early because of diabetes?

All that and it's cheaper, too.

I don't get it.