Randon thoughts

I finally took the plunge and bought a lap top. Now we're in a house of 2 computers and one toilet. We're not waiting in line for something anymore.
With 2 PP presentations coming up and another trip to Sask it just seemed like it made sense to have something more portable. So now I'm sitting in the living room blogging while the kids watch Land Before Time (Cindy's Favorite!) again.
Today is Ashlin's birthday. My baby girl is 4 years old today. I woke up this morning thinking that I deserve to sleep in after I had to change a sopping wet toddler and bed in the middle of the night. Then I remembered: We didn't put streamers and balloons around Ashlin's bed. We did that last year and it became an expectation/tradition. She would have been crushed if she had woken up and not found her bed decorated. So I hauled myself out of bed and got them up about 1 minute before she woke.
Father in Law is alive, the infection is decreasing, he no longer has a breathing tube and he seems to be more aware of what is going on. I went to see him for the first time since his surgery and while I was fine while there I was fighting back tears all the way out of the hospital. He seems so weak and vulnerable. There's a huge awareness that even though it looks like he's going to come through this, we won't have him forever, he's 76 now.

It's in the blood

Taryn recently wrote her first song. I thought I'd share it with you.

A quote from Sojourners e-newsletter

"Rats and roaches live by competition under the laws of supply and demand; it is the privilege of human beings to live under the laws of justice and mercy."

- Wendell Berry

(Any relationship between this quote and the election of a conservative government is purely not coincidental)

do i relate

And the second worst thing is running out of cream ("Milk in coffee? Are you serious?")

Update

Rob's dad has had surgery. There was a leak, the infection was isolated and the doctor indicated that he feels the sugery went well. We had been given incorrect information - he was not in a coma, he had been put out by medication in order to intubate (sp?).

Rob's dad

Things are getting worse for Rob's dad. He went into a coma today. The hospital suspects a leakage from his colon is causing an infection. He also had fluid in his lungs today.

We really, really would appreciate your prayers for him.

is it true??

Do you blog to avoid real life?

Oughts and shoulds

I've been thinking and talking lately about the "should" messages we receive - things we hear others say about what we ought to be doing. At some point I realized that there are just not enough hours in the day/week/year to do all of them, yet sometimes they still seem to have a hold on me. I.e. I start to feel bad or guilty if I'm not doing them.

Wanna do a bit of an exercise with me? Write down the should messages you have heard and remember. They could have come from anywhere, they might be a good idea or not. The only thing they have to have in common is that they came with an implication that it wasn't just something that you could do, it was something you should do. Put a time in too, if it has been prescribed or makes sense.

You should sleep 8-9 hours a night
You should exercise 1/2 hr to 1 hr at a time, 3 days a week
You should do a quick vacuum of your carpets every day (probably take 15-30 minutes per day)
You should do devotions 1/2 hr to 1 hr a day
You should volunteer/engage in ministry (3 hours a week+)
You should use leather care products on all your shoes and handbags every two weeks (1/2 hour)
You should change your sheets once a week (15 - 30 minutes)
You should read to your child 20 minutes a day
You should eat in a healthy way (as this takes more time to prepare, I'd say it adds 1/2 hour day to food prep and shopping time)
You should handwash your delicates (10 minutes a week)
You should walk, bike or ride a bus to work (extra 1.2 hour to 1 hour more a day)
You should breastfeed
You should wean at 1 year because your husband might get resentful
You should stay at home with your kids
You should put your children into preschool

Those are some of the messages that have been sent my way. What have you heard?

Stuff for sale

Big antique desk with 6 drawers
Refrigerator (I'd guess a little less than 5 feet high)
Steel and white drafting table
Black ergonomic chair (kneel type)
Antique square table with 2 leaves
6 antique chairs (some of them need work - glue, new part)
Antique cupboard/armoire - green distressed look
metal storage shelves

Conservatives "choice" in child care

This is a really important study - it shows that Conservative's "child care" plan will, as is typical for Conservative policy, benefit the rich the most and the poor the least.

Quotes:

The face value of the Child Care Allowance is $1,200 for each child under age 6. But the scheme’s true value would be less than
$1,200 because it would increase families’
taxable income and thus trigger both reductions
in federal and provincial/territorial income tested
benefits and increases in taxes.

The Child Care Allowance is unfair because it would pay working poor and modest income
families smaller benefits than middle andupper-income families.

Most Canadian families need and use child care outside the home so that parents can
work in the paid labour force or study. The proposed Choice in Child Care Allowance would
do little if anything to increase the supply of
affordable, quality child care. Nor would the
scheme do much to help families pay for child
care, since it would offset only a fraction of
the cost of child care.

And one more...
I find it extremely disturbing that our society pays more attention to actors than anyone who contributes much more worthwhile endevours (like social workers - specifically policy oriented social workers). Actors come up on most admired lists more than people who actually do worthiwhile things for humanity. What is wrong with us?

Very appropriate that this came out during the conversation below.
Now that I've experienced the difference between being an employee and my own boss, I have to say that it really does feel that way - employee policies feel like they are designed to break one's spirit. I feel so free since I went on my own.

Rob's Dad had surgery to remove a mass from his colon on Tuesday. He had another small heart attack today. Prayers appreciated.

Hypocrisy

At one of the places I do a contract there is a program offered that helps children in schools to learn empathy (I've writtten about it before). Whenever the program is talked about there are glowing reports of how children who have been through the program will stand up to bullies and defend children who are picked on.

A couple of days ago, after a lot of struggling, I spoke up for a co-worker that I felt was being marginalized. I was told that while my concern was understandable, it was not my issue, and that the decision not to include her in a process was the correct one as she was a casual person, not a civil servant. The ultimate irony is that the process she was excluded from was one meant to form an emotionally/socially healthier workplace.

We hate it when our children exclude based on someone's skin color, eyeglasses or body weight. But it's okay to exclude based on arbitrary labels of job status. Our children should challenge their systems, but we won't challenge ours.

Wallis on religion and politics

From Sojonet: "Religion simply doesn't fit neatly in the categories of left and right, liberal and conservative. Religion is at its best when it's not ideologically predictable or loyally partisan.
Martin Luther King said, 'The church' - today we'd say religion - 'is not meant to be the master of the state, nor the servant of the state, but is meant to be the conscience of the state.' Now that means we don't just grab the levers of power and force our agenda. I think the religious right makes that mistake again and again. James Dobson thinks he has veto power over American policy.
But neither are we the servant of the state, meaning we just clean up the mess of bad social policy, provide good social services. We're also the prophetic voice. That's what King meant. . . . Let's have a real, deep, rich conversation about moral values. If we do, it'll cut both left and right."

Said yesterday:

Ashlin: Mommy, I'm going to smell you. [She leans over and smells my cheek]... You smell like a normal grown-up...Mommy! Don't laugh at me!

Darwinism

I came across this interesting critique of Darwinism.

Fantastic day

The girls and I went to Munchapalooza at PTE. It was a great show. I can't remember the last time I saw live anything ('cept for school concernts, which have their own kind of charm). The energy is so different than looking at a screen.

At times I was enraptured watching Ashlin rather than the play. She gets so into these kind of things - bouncing her head up and down, clapping not at all in time to the music, laughter and wanting to point everything special out to me (whispering in my ear, just like I asked her to do). After than we wandered down to the 1st floor and watched the fountain. Then proceeded to the warm underground parking where we had left all manner of coats and mitts behind. (Menno would be displeased, but it was worth the extra loot.)

In college (the first time through) I was part of music and drama groups every year and toured 1-3 weeks in March or May. There is nothing like being jammed in a bus with up to 30 people day after day, working, playing, eating, developing the jokes and stories that will never be understood outside the immediate context. A fatigue and an energy that combines into something spectacular rather than cancelling each other out. I'd love to do that again, anything really, where I can be creative in a group. Now that I've left some of the neurosis of my late teens and early twenties behind I think I could enjoy such an experience in a way I was never able to before. (Course, now that I'm married there could also be no group/tour romances which add a certain spice. But I digress.) Is it possible that I'll get more chances to do something that fun again? I hope so.

Decisions

My mother's visit has sparked a lot of thinking and conversations in the last few days. Especially interesting are the talks with my sister. She is a nurse and has done quite a bit of work in nursing homes, with psych patients and in home care. My training is of course, social work (but I have limited knowledge of this area of social work). The challenge for us has been to try to view our Mother through our professional eyes. As daughters, we've grown up with our Mom's eccentricities and found them frustrating and embarrasing. To cope, we dismissed and ignored. I am very used to just writing off what Mom says and does, especially since finding out about Fragile X ("It's genetic, she can't help it").

Now that she's on her own though, we have decisions to make, because she cannot make them. I phoned an old family friend who is ED of a faith-based organization of senior citizens homes and nursing homes. He was on his cell and couldn't talk privately, suggested I call back this week and before then think about what Mom needs and what we want for her. Thus I've been thinking about what I will tell him.

Sharon and I talked this morning. She started using words like paranoid, delusional, out of touch with reality. At first this seemed odd to me and I queried her on the stories behind those words. She told me the incidences, some I knew already, some I didn't. What struck me is that I'm not sure I ever have quite realized what is going on. Sharon asked how we would see her, describe her, if we didn't know her, if she was a client. And those words fit Mom exactly, along with many others.

Ignoring all of this, dismissing it and moving away worked quite well while Dad was alive. He took care of it all. He made decisions and kept things going. But now we have to face facts. She cannot do quite simple tasks. She cannot make quite simple decisions. She is overwhelmed with just the few things that we cannot take on from a distance. She cannot care for a home and it makes no sense for her to be a homeowner. As wonderful as relatives and church members have been, her needs are far too great to be served on a voluntary, occasional basis. We are hearing signs that supporters are burning out.

I need to stop ignoring and dismissing. I don't know how I'll do it, but somehow I have to get past the emotional stuff and just see my mother as a client. She doesn't have the mental capacity to make all the decisions that are in her best interests. We need to take over much more than we have.

Smart car crash

When I first saw a smart car, I said to myself, "It would do great on gas, but get in an accident and you're dead.

Well, I saw this, and I've changed my mind