McD's fights back

McDonald's seems to be responding to the bad press it got by Supersize Me and Fast Food Nation (the book more than the movie. Avoid the movie. Trust me.) It's new website and ad campaign tries to convince us that McDonald's takes care of it's employees. Flexible hours! Scholarships! Discounts!

Maybe no one will actually notice that it doesn't say living wages and benefits.

Good news on the what does my future hold front

Today I got a letter letting me know that the Faculty to which I applied to do my Master's degree is recommending me to the Faculty of Graduate studies to begin my Masters this fall. I.e. step 1 of the 2 step process. Hard to say how it goes from here - is it more rubber stamping whatever the first Faculty says, or is there another process I have to pass?

Time will tell.

Last day

I am done my work. I feel a bit like I did immediately after giving birth - really relieved and not quite believing it's over.

The highlights of my last day were my supervisor nit-picking over a time sheet entry, telling me I may not get paid for my sick day and telling me I can't have contact with clients after I leave because it's against accepted professional standards, which is BS because I've read them. Then yet more employees told me, after I let them know I was leaving, that they are frustrated with the organization and our mutual supervisor for much the same reasons I am.

I realized a few days ago that I give people way too much credit sometimes. I expect people to think rationally and to behave with kindness and morals. I especially expect that of other Christians and other social workers (the people who treated me the most horribly resided in both categories). When I don't experience that, often my first reaction is to question myself, thinking maybe there is something I have to do differently, because after all, they must be good people with good intentions. It also means that I feel incomplete when these people, whom I have credited with sense and ethics, do not affirm me. I need to let their behaviour define who they are in my mind, rather than who I'd like to believe they are, so I do not end up needing something from them, so I do not end up giving them power to define me. A jerk is a jerk is a jerk.

My sister was talking to me about a book she read, Emotionally Healthy Spirituality by Peter Scazzero. The author addresses the fact that Christians in general are not emotionally healthier than the general public. She also enlightened me with her philosophy of stay low, don't try to change much or share ideas until in a place where one can act on them. To me that seems wise, and sad. Then I remembered that I hadn't actually tried to change anything significant or that was outside my jurisdiction. I simply talked with people about issues they raised. That was enough for a person whose supervision philosophy heavily includes the phrase, "Step on them" and an organization that seems to want to turn a blind eye to the incredibly high turnover. It's not the salary, baby, it's the lack of dignity.

Dang job

This is very accurate depiction of my experiences at my current job. I've really been struggling emotionally about it's demise. I'm glad it's over, it was extremely stressful. But it's very disappointing to be ignored by certain people. I would like to leave with a certain amount of gratitude, perhaps an offer to go out for lunch. Instead, it seems like the people responsible for either the decision to delete my position and the person who probably influenced it the most are simply trying to pretend I'm not there, while meanwhile insisting that I put in my hours there to the very last penny. Sheesh, if you can't even bother to communicate with me, to treat me somewhat civilly, why not just pay out my contract? Why insist that I must come in only to be persona non grata?

I thought about writing to the person who has been the most cold and rude to me. She reminds me of the snobby girls from high school, not the kids who insult or are outright hostile, but the ones who find many ways to let certain other kids know that they are clearly beneath them. Why does she bother me so much? At some point I realized that I really don't need the affirmation of someone who is that immature and subtley hostile. I also realized that she probably has next to no ability to hear constructive criticism or see anything from another's viewpoint. And also, she probably thinks, from her distorted world view, that she did well. She probably can justify all her actions and inactions inwardly. It makes sense to her. She has to grow before she could actually see other variables to situations. I prayed, asking God to help me to stop being so bothered, and it was interesting to see it kind of drop off of me, like a scab that drops off a place now healed. While certain thoughts went along with it going, it didn't feel like some intellectual assent. It felt like God granted exactly what I requested.

church trial

Went to a church on Sunday - Anglican. Found out that I attended on the one Sunday in a month that is a family service - with a sermon directed at kids and no Sunday School. I had heard that the pastor in the church was especially intellectually stimulating but alas, I didn't get to hear him. And my kids were really looking forward to "kids' church" but instead had to sit through lots of unfamiliar liturgy. I thought if I could find something to feed my mind while my kids got something they enjoyed, it might be a good thing. But once again I find I have to spend too much time sitting through things that don't reach me in order to get a crumb of something meaningful.

I told Rob that I think I'm ready to let go of the whole idea of institutional church. But I might be lying.

How much of a nerd are you?

I figured out my nerd score:

77% scored higher (more nerdy),2% scored the same, and 21% scored lower (less nerdy).

Your nerdiness is: Not nerdy, but definitely not hip.

I'm actually surprised I didn't score higher. My dream is to be a researcher, after all.

Got word today my term position will end at the end of this month. That is when it was scheduled to end, but there was a possibility it would be extended. This was a new position created for a time, they've decided it didn't work and they're getting rid of it - and me. The supervisor gave me vague indications that I wasn't "a good fit" without actually telling me any useful information of what that means, citing confidentiality. Several different people and many rumours have indicated that the place has problems that were going on long before I got there and will continue long after I'm gone, but as RR put it, "Your supervisor should become a bank teller in Egypt - she'll can stay in de-Nile as long as she wants and still be able to pass the buck." People do not respond well to her leadership. Those who did not respond well to me were already tired of her - I became the scapegoat. I have tried to communicate this but she is not willing to hear it. She will say people have problems with authority, problems are because of the person who used to have her position, people are weird and maybe have mental health problems - anything to avoid being introspective.

I am honestly relieved. I made the decision on the weekend to start looking for work elsewhere no matter what happened with this position. Still, I find it hard to be the scapegoat.

My favourite prefix this week is post-. As in post-modern, post-charismatic, post-evangelical. As I continue questioning and reading (a lot of McLaren lately) and finding myself resonating with the theme that I am moving past some of the things I've thought and believed, but wondering what does that mean? I try not to get obsessed with labels , but am I now not evangelical, not charismatic (actually, that one wouldn't bother me as much), not modern?

But post- is a good way of clarifying the journey. It clarifies not a rejection of the all that a certain term encompassed, but moving past and carrying on while still retaining all that one finds valuable. Similar to the rings of a tree - a tree is not hollow inside, it retains all it once was, but has added on to those earlier stages and has kept growing.