Grief

The sobbing is over. I am still capable of watery eyes when someone asks me how I'm doing, but some of the heaving sorrow has been gone for a couple of days.

Really, life has returned to normal. Not much changes since Dad lived so far away and I saw him so seldom (and now am wondering if I should have done things differently that way).

There's just this deep ache that's left over. My stomach hurts. I have trouble falling asleep at night and trouble getting up in the morning. I want my dad back. I want a chance to appreciate him fully again. I regret when I failed to love him well.

Rock of Ages

(Just a song I wrote a few years ago - it is especially meaningful to me right now, though)

Rock of Ages
Be my shelter
Be the place where I can rest and hide away
Be my fortress
My protector
Be the one who keeps me safe

And I will trust in your love
I will trust in your grace
I will trust in your faithfulness all my days

Rock of Ages
Be my freedom
Be the place from where I fly into the wind
Sure foundation
Never changing
You're the strength on which I stand

And I will trust in your love
I will trust in your grace
I will trust in your faithfulness all my days

advice?

I'm going to be gong back to Sask in a couple of weeks, probably by myself.
I'd prefer to fly, but don't want to be gouged.
Any ideas on getting the best deals?

Religion and politics

SojoNet: Faith, Politics, and Culture

On the above, I just think it's very interesting to see how values are starting to serve as ways to unify people from secular and religious backgrounds.

I especially like this line:

"Face it, you can't build a political party on an argument that abortion should be available on demand and homosexuals should be allowed to marry. It doesn't matter how you feel about those issues. They are not consensus builders. They put off more people than they unite."

While this is not quite as true in Canada, I think it's something the federal NDP could stand to realize. There are many, many Christians who agree with much of the NDP's platform, because they stand for social and economic justice. the majority of people in our society would benefit from an NDP government, so it makes little sense that they haven't been voted into office. But they scare away these potential supporters by talking about pro-life people and those who do not believe in gay marriage as if they are bigots.

( BTW, I don't consider myself a partisan person - no party is perfect and I don't feel I can throw my support behind any of them.)

Dad

Most of you who regularly visit here probably already know that my dad died last Tuesday. It was a heart attack, it was very sudden and unexpected. He was 69 and everyone who knew him thought he'd live into his 90s.
I won't be writing much more about him at this point in time. The internet is a bit too cold for this subject. Sometimes processing has to be more personal than this space allows.
I do want to thank people for praying for me and my family. I feel exhausted, overwhelmed and very, very sad, but I also have a peace that I wouldn't have thought possible.
We got back from Saskatchewan tonight. I will need to go back in about 2 weeks to sort some stuff out. I just wanted people to know that I'm as okay as I can be.

I got new glasses!!!!

I am SO happy.
Slowly but surely I am starting to cease looking like my fashion sense stopped developing in the mid 90s.

My kidlets

Conor will now clap his hands when I say the work "clap". This is a huge developmental milestone - it means he is starting to understand symbolism, that words mean something. And he is sooo adorable when he claps.
The girls and I have this little thing we do, where I say, "How much does mommy love you?" and they hold their arms wide open and say, "This much!" I guess we hadn't done it for a while. Tonight when I asked Ashlin, "How much does mommy love you?" she replied, "Five!" (?)
I bought a beginners piano guide for Taryn today. My suspicions were confirmed - she is ripe for this!! She is so eager to learn and practice. I am not so sure about the role of teacher for me. But I have grade eight piano, I should be able to pass on something.

Kids and Nutrition

My latest fave TV show is Jamie's School Dinners.
Take a famous British chef, have him get disgusted about the junk that is being fed to kids in school cafeterias and then see him try to reform the system.
Very interesting. For me on both a personal and professional level.
Personal - I have kids who can be fussy eaters. I constantly stress about them eating the right things. I wonder about how to get them interested in good food.
Professional - I produce materials on the importance of nutrition for kids. I work in a place that tries to systematically change children's outcomes.
Today was the most disgusting tidbit of information. Stop reading right now if you have a queasy stomach. Because some kids eat virtually all processed food and no fruit or veg, they can get extremely constipated. Last week a nutritionist said that some kids don't have a BM for 6 weeks! This week another said that in extreme cases, because the intestines are so compacted with food, the kids will sometimes start vomiting food that has been digested to the point that it could be considered feces.
How did things get this bad?
His most successful interventions involved getting the kids involved in making the food. They were more willing to try what they had a part in producing. I think that's something we could stand to do more. I prefer to work alone in the kitchen. But the kids do like to help. And I have noticed they seem a bit more willing to try things.
This kind of thing reminds me that we can't just throw up our hands and say it's up to the parents. Some parents just won't do what is healthy for their children. The best choice is often the most difficult choice, and when families are stressed to the max sometimes what is healthy doesn't seem feasible. At a societal level, it is important to make healthy choices easy choices.
The first high school in which he changed the menu to healthy food went bad - at first. Kids complained, stopped coming, dumped the food in the trash. But in about a month, things were back to normal, except that the kids were actually eating healthy food instead of processed junk every lunch. That speaks to the power of perseverence.

Many people report waking up with songs of worship or spiritual significance running through their head.
What was in my head when I woke up this morning?
Spinal Tap.

Christians and creativity

I have read that Charles Schulz was a Christian, but the other night I read an interview he did in the late 80s where he said he thought he was becoming a secular humanist and no longer seemed to identify with his church going life of the past.

Too bad. That leaves the creator of BC to hold up the Christian Comic artists banner, and he ain't exactly subtle - or, really, that talented.

I got to thinking about Christians and creativity. Now, there are many people of faith who have created music, art and literature that I enjoy. J S Bach, for example. John Grisham for a more recent one.

But it seems like a lot of Christian stuff is really crappy. Why is that? I think part of it is because artists feel certain limits on what is Christian. I still have a bit of Christian culture shock from some things I hear and read, the old knee jerk, "Would a real Christian write THAT?" I'm not the only one. Adrian Plass said one letter he received about his novel Ghosts called it "lust provoking trash." I'm guessing that in trying to stay safe, a lot of people might end up squelching creativity. But what is the line? How does an artist know what too far is?

And do those who produce music and books just accept too much? Are they not discerning enough in terms of quality? Or am I being too judgemental? The stuff sells. Someone must like it.

They like me! They really like me!

I presented the Power Point I've been working on. It's a tool for others to adapt to their own use to help people understand what Parent Child Coalitions are, what they do, what Early Childhood Development is all about, and why it is so important.

I got good feedback. They really liked it and want it soon to use, gave a few suggestions of how to make it better.

I feel so satisfied to work on a project that was interesting and fun, and then to know that it is of use to people.

So why did I remain in a job so long where I was told every week that I was a f***ing b****? Appreciation is where it's at, baby!

Love me!

I found out this evening the job I want will be posted externally to government. Even though I work for gov't, because I'm casual I can't apply for internal positions. So an external post is a good thing. A great thing. If I can get the job.


I want it I want it I want it I want it I want it I want it I want it I want it I want it I want it

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The Brick Testament

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The Brick Testament