Kids and all.

Ashlin is so funny. She's trying to be assertive. Or is it aggressive? "I said, 'No Mommy', I said." (repeated 10x or more) When I put her in time-out she stands at the gate and shouts, "You big bully!!!" (20x or more) Just before bed she was threatening to spank me.

We registered Taryn for kindergarten today. As I'm reading over the your-child-should-know lists, I go from "Oh yeah, she's been able to do that for over a year" to, "Oh, no, she can't do that! Maybe she's not ready, maybe it's all too soon." Trouble is, having not registered her in June I didn't have the summer to work on all this. But she'll be fine. Found out that they have snacks every day so I kept that in mind, as well as my new trans-fat avoidance, as I went shopping at Stuporstore. Do you know that there are only 2 kinds of crackers without transfats? Triscuits and Goldfish. Found a 3 pound box of Goldfish, so that oughta last...oh wait, it's gone.

Struggling with the feeling-acting dynamic lately. Some things I feel like doing and so I do them. Others I don't feel like doing, so I have a choice, force myself anyhow, or don't do it. Forcing myself makes sense in certain areas, like housework, because it needs to get done whether I feel like it or not. But the relational stuff is not so straightforward. Relationally, we are supposed to love people. Sometimes I don't feel like it. Forcing myself - well, that's not really love then, is it? And the start acting and the feelings will come line just doesn't cut it. So what to do? Not act because it's not coming from my heart? Or just go along faking and hope that some good will come out of it?

Weight loss chronicles

Scale showed another 2.5 pounds down since the beginning of the month. Quite pleased. Taking my walk tonight, which I extended to a half hour, I was thinking about how to go from here. First off, although it's okay that the weight loss is slow, I wonder if it's unnecessarily slow because sometimes it still seems like I'm seeing how much I can get away with. Instead of trying to live the healthiest I can, I often seem to be trying to rebel against my own rules. Really, with Conor taking about 500 calories a day (love it - what other time of her life can a woman get rid of 500 calories sitting around?), if I was eating like a healthy, normal person, I think the weight would be coming off a lot faster. Plus, how long do I really want to be overweight?

Thought about a goal weight. Still not sure what that should be. The range considered healthy for a 5'7" female is something like 120-160 pounds. Where is right for me? 120 is a no go. I do not have a slight build, I think I'd have to get anorexic to get down that low. I here people talking about a weight that feels right. Would I know it when I reached it?

Also thought about exercise as our lives will be turning topsy turvy in...[counting]...11 days. I think for now I'll stay the course, trying to get in 3 - 20 minute walks (or something else) a week and stretching the time when appropriate. I may be able to get in walks at lunch hour. I also will still need to check my mail at the college every so often and it's probably about a 20 minute walk from my practicum to there, so that's a once a week thing. I think it will be, if not easy, reasonable to stick with what I've been doing. Have to rethink when cold weather hits, though. Any ideas?

an open letter to clothing manufacturers

I write this letter to make you aware of certain realities that, by all evidence I have seen and heard, you do not currently know about.

I believe that you are aware that there are two different genders, male and female, as separate headings for men’s and women’s clothing appear in stores and catalogues. That is good. However, certain differences about their anatomical differences seem to have, up until this point, eluded you, and that is what I wish to expound upon.

Girls and boys develop in different ways. Although they start out fairly similar in build, almost asexual, at puberty this changes. I do think you are somewhat aware of these differences as women’s and men’s underwear do have unique features. However, you seem to be under the impression, that while girls do start to develop differently, this development halts at about age sixteen. I wish to inform you that after this point, women do continue to develop, and that this development impacts on their needs in clothing.

Specifically, women develop hips and thighs. This is biologically necessary, as we are the ones to carry and bear children. In the birthing process, a baby actually passes through a woman’s pelvis. Thus many women will tend to have somewhat of what is referred to as a “pear shape”.

The typical woman’s pants, however, seem to ignore this biological reality. Recently shopping, I came across dozens of pairs with roughly the same description: “straight hip, narrow thigh”. I realize that this style is wonderful on Kate Moss and certain anorexic 12 year olds. However, to those of us with the above mentioned “pear shape”, trying on a pair of these pants is about like trying to stuff a fully inflated balloon into a tube sock. So we generally try to compensate by going up to a bigger size that will fit our hips.

Once the bigger size is on, another problem becomes apparent. The waist is much too large, sticking out from the smalls of our backs four inches or more. Now I don’t want to assume that this is accidental on your part. Perhaps you meant for that extra space to exist in order to allow for stowing personal items or small mammals, thus eliminating the need for purses and/or pet carriers. Let me assure you that we are not adverse to carrying the items we must transport, and would rather not have all those around us aware of the style and colour of underwear we have chosen.

Another reality I wish you to be aware of is that much of the clothing you manufacture ends up in North America. We have not had a famine here, well, for many, many years, if at all. In, fact, much of the population tends to be overweight, making size 12 an average size for women. However, from the virtual explosion of clothes in small and medium sizes, it would appear that you are under the impression that size 2 is average and once a woman passes 140 pounds she ceases to buy clothing except on a bi-annual basis. Allow me correct this misconception and say that those of us in larger sizes to still need to have clothing for protection from weather and modesty.

Having set all this straight, I trust you will now make the necessary corrections.

Yours sincerely…

Ran into an old co-worker the other day. We caught up on current news and then she announced that she recently got married – to another woman. That and some of the blogs on tolerance that have appeared recently on friends’ sites has got me thinking about this topic a bit more than usual.

It’s a very tricky area for a Christian social worker. There's at least one social work program in the states that won't admit evangelical Christians for that exact reason: intolerance. I perceive that in my career I am going to have to watch what I say constantly and choose words verrrrry carefully.

A few of my thoughts: First, it does not seem to be tolerance that is desired by many in the gay community, but agreement. It is anyone's right to desire agreement, but call it what it is. Don't say you're asking people to be tolerant of you when what you really want is acceptance of your beliefs as being right.

Second, I think we have a very weird way of looking at sexuality. We've divided it up into 3 categories: gay, straight and bi-sexual, and are totally obsessed with figuring out which one anyone fits into. I see sexual attraction on a spectrum: some people only have ever been attracted to the opposite sex, others to the same sex - the far ends of the spectrum. Others lie somewhere in between, like a person who has only been attracted to the opposite sex until meeting one particular person of the same sex. People seem to move on the spectrum. There are those who used to feel attracted to the same sex that do not feel those attractions anymore. Categories are just too hard and rigid. A spectrum, to me, is a better way of viewing it.

Third, attraction, behavior and identity all seem to be tangled up together in one big idea of gay/lesbian/bi. I think they should be thought of as separate things. Attraction does not need to rule behavior. Nor does it need to decide identity. That is why Christians are targetted as homophobic. We do not see the behavior as being right. However, as attraction=behavior=identity in the gay community (this is my observation/opinion) there is an assumption that not approving of the behavior is condemning the person.

Ashlin, the entertainer

My daughters are taking after me. They like to make up songs. This is what I remember of Ashlin's as we drove home tonight, rather late, but she was wide awake:

And the cow jumped over
But it did
But it didn't
But it did
But it didn't
But it did
But it didn't

Then she said, "Mommy!"
"Yes, Ashlin."
"I'm going to tell a joke." Rob made a painful sound he thought only I could hear. "Daddy!" Ashlin yells indignently.
"Ooops. busted," Rob says quietly to me, the turns to Ash, "Go ahead Sweetie, tell your joke."
"Why did the cat spill the milk?"
"Why?"
"Because!"
Apparently "because" is now the punchline to an awful lot of jokes. And each time it is said, that is our cue to laugh uproariously. Or at least it used to be. After formerly insisting that we laugh, Ashlin started saying after about half a dozen jokes, "What's so funny?"

migraine!

Couldn’t quite get away with it – the bike ride I mean. I thought I was okay. Maybe I would have been okay had I not been carrying Conor around a lot yesterday at the wedding we were at. But overnight I got a migraine.

I’m getting used to dealing with them. I’ve got to jump on them quick and not do anything to aggravate them. I can usually keep the severe pain at bay. What is most infuriating is that they are a constant reminder of my work injury and the fact that I got royally screwed by WCB, who claims my ongoing problems are a result of – wait for it – bad posture.

So I had to miss church. Rob and I used to have a joke between ourselves - if we missed church, that would be the day that the HS fell on everyone there and they were all immensely blessed. Did it happen?

Biking again

On Friday I did the "Christa challenge." What is this, you ask? Well, Christa (from WCV) had her baby one week after Conor and posted on the Breathe site about going for a bike ride. So I thought, if she can do it, I can do it, too, and challenged myself to do so.

I bought my bike about 13 years ago. It was very cool then. Now it's looking kind of shabby. See, I haven't ridden it for a long, long time. After I hurt my neck 5 years ago I found I got a migraine every time I tried. But my neck has improved a lot, and now that I am trying to do more exercise it seemed like a good time to try again. So one day when I had a moment I pumped up the tires so it would be ready to go at a moment's notice.

Got the kids in bed a bit early on Friday. Went out. Let me take you into my mind:

Okay, here's the bike, here's the key. Dang, wish it wasn't so dark in here [something's wrong with the electricity in the garage - no lights]. I used to be able to unlock this in the dark. [fiddle, fiddle]. There it goes. Okay, where's my helmet? [peers around, finds helmet]. How the heck do I put this on? What a weird clasp. There, that's it. Does the back flashing light still work? [click *blip*, click *blip*] Tiny bit of power. Just needs new batteries. Won't bother today until I know if this still bugs my neck. Man, those handle bar covers are toast! [wheels bike out door, gets on, peddle peddle]

Whoa!!!! That front brake doesn't work. Back one seems okay, though. I can ride with just a back one. [peddle] Oh, that's right, I had those toe-thingies. Gotta flip them up. Hmmm - seat's kind of low [stop, adjust seat height]. There. [gets back on bike]

AAAAAAUUUUGGGGHHHH! [almost falls]

What just happened? What the heck just happened? The wheel didn't go the same direction as the handlebars. Is something loose? Looks okay. Oh, no it's not. It's totally loose. I think we bought some alan keys... [push bike to house, open door]

Oh, no, Conor's crying. Should I just stop and go to him? He was just fed. No, Conor has got to get used to Rob comforting him and vice versa. Alan keys, alan keys...nope, not this box, nope, not this one either, nope...hey, maybe the tool box. Tools in a tool box, what a novel concept. Yep, here they are. [back to bike, tighten handlebar, get on, peddle]

Okay, this is going good. Toe thingies up. Kind of feels too easy. Oh, yeah, I have gears! I wonder how many I have. 12? How do these things work? [click, click, click] Small buttons easier, large buttons harder? Or small buttons smaller gears? Is it the same on the front? [click, click, click] Whoa - I have 3 gears on the front? Cool! Must be at least an 18 speed then. [I proceed, peddling and clicking, to KP].

This is darker than I thought. Hmmm. Wish I had the back flashing thing. What if someone runs into me? Need to change gears [click click]

Oh #$%&*! The chain came off. [gets off bike and fiddles with chain]. How long before a mugger comes along? How did I used to put this on? [fiddle fiddle]. Oh, yeah, going backwards. There! Now I remember - it can't be on the far right at one end and the far left at the other. [peddle, peddle] I wonder how long I've been gone. 15 minutes! I told Rob I'd be out about 20! [peddle, click, click] Not again! Dang chain! [fiddle, fiddle]. Gotta got home. It's way too dark now. [riding for a while]. Y'know, I can hardly see the road. If I hit a little pothole I'll probably wipe out. I used to feel so sure on a bike. Now I'm so cautious. Almost home. How's my neck? A little stiff, probably it will be okay. 20 minutes might be my limit.

Into garage. Lock it up. Home again. Aaah, silence. Conor must be either happy or asleep. [proceeds to bathroom, sees mirror] What the......?!?! How did I get black marks all over my forehead? The pads must be disintegrating on my helmet. I look like Groucho Marx.

Well, I'm sweaty, I'm a bit sore, and I look like #$%&*. But I did it.

Moms are from Venus, 4 year olds are from Mars

Sigh. Same thing with Taryn today - refusing to clear the table and get dressed. This time, the gentle and understanding approach was ineffective. So was anything else I tried. Ended up giving her a time-out on the stairs with a baby gate both behind her and in front of her so she couldn't have too much fun. Rob came in from mowing the lawn and told the girls they could come and help him wash the van, but Taryn had to clear the table and get dressed first. Then she decided to obey. No formulas to parenting, are there? Every day it seems I wake up to a different kid.

The thing is, it's more than about the chore. I want her to understand the heart issues: helping out is a way of loving. Wanting your own way can be selfishness. I talk to her about this stuff, but it's hard to say if she gets it.

Normal

I've been wondering about what normal people do. I don't feel like I am a normal person. Maybe I am but I don't know it. Or maybe I am normal in some ways and not in others. And maybe I shouldn't care. But sometimes I feel a need to hear from people who seem to have normalness downpat to see if I want to be more that way. (After writing this, I think anyone that previously may have thought that I seem normal is now convinced that I am nowhere near that locale.)

Anyways, here is what I am wondering:

1. How do normal people eat? People who are able to maintain a healthy weight - how does it happen? Do they have to consciously think about it - what they eat, when they eat, how much they eat? Or does it just sort of happen? And if it just happens, what is it that's happening? Do they feel hungry less often or full sooner?

2. How do normal people's schedules go? I have worked shift work for so many years that I am still in a late to bed and late to rise routine. Worked well with Rob's shift work, too. But now I'm going to be working 8:30 to 4:30 and Taryn will start school soon. So I wonder, when do normal people go to bed and get up? When do normal people's children go to bed and get up?

3. How many clothes do normal people have? I and everyone else in this household maintain pretty small wardrobes. I have been amazed by the size of people's wardrobes on "What Not to Wear". Is that normal? I think it's possible that ours, and especially mine, are significantly less than average because: 1) I am a cheap Mennonite, 2) I have been too influenced by exhortations not to be materialistic to the point of being impractical, 3) I find it terribly hard to find clothes that fit me, and 4) I'm a student and thus we scrimp a bit. Taryn's grandparents gave her a gift of $ for school clothes, though, and I found myself reluctant to spend it. Doesn't she have enough? But maybe she could stand to have more. Maybe that would be more normal. But I don't know. Sure would be nice not to have to do laundry so religiously because we're always running out of clothes.

I would really like to hear back on this. If I get a feel for what is normal, sometimes it helps me to figure out what things should look like for me, even if it's different than normal.

Living in blogdom

Writing and reading blogs is fun, but it's also more than entertainment. Take yesterday. I read Erica’s entry on disciplining her daughter. This was on my mind as I went about my day and lo and behold, I encountered a discipline issue with my 4 year old (I know, what a surprise). Now, despite my appreciation for the principles of 1-2-3 magic, it is not a cure-all and I wasn't sure how to handle the fact that when asked to clean her room, she just looked at me very defiantly and said, "No! I won't do it!" (This is also an ongoing problem.)

Still thinking about Erica and Rebecca. I tell Taryn, "Come on, I want to talk to you in the living room." She kicks up a fuss and I end up dragging her to the living room and holding her (in a Crisis Intervention Institute approved basket-hold, I might add) for awhile, softly saying that she was upset and I was going to help her to calm down and feel okay again. When she was calm, Ashlin had come around too, so I hauled her on my lap too and told them we were going to pray together. So we did, with lots of toddler-prayer interruptions and prayer requests (Grandpa's knees, Grandma's tummy), but I also got in the bit about helping us all in this situation, for the kids to learn to obey and for me to learn how to help them.

After all this, I said, "Let's go clean your room." I got okays and co-operative girls, who received cute happy face stickers on their sticker charts, and all was right with the world once more.

A bit of romance

You
Your countenance is as the sun,
It’s halo love awakened
Shouting silent glory to God
Waxing beyond remedy of men
You are a wave breaking upon me
You are sound and light in my void
You are the smell of spring in the air, I breath you in and my heart is glad
You are nightbreeze upon my skin, full of life, bearing testimony that everything you touch in passing grows and rejoices in you and is purified
Your voice is as the wind blowing through the trees, whispering you love, I hear you and my heart is undone
You are the smell of first rain, a rainbow in my grey sky
As beautiful and silent as the morning mists and at once thunder in my heart
You are as the sound of music, my soul rising and falling with every note
You

Robert Frost? Nope. Robert Daly. Yep, my loving husband gave me this on our ninth anniversary. I have never felt like I quite deserve it, but I'm sharing it because I think it is wonderful and a great example of what the man I married is like.

I've been thinking about him a lot today. If all goes well, he will start parental leave, well, pretty much now. So I get a couple of weeks with my sweetie before I have to start practicum. He's where he belongs - with me. I have heard of couples who can't spend too much time together because they tend to get sick of each other. That's not us. Our home never seems right when he's away.

Some things I love about Rob:

1. He is thoughtful, thinking of things that he can do for me or our children or his parents that will bring smiles to our faces.

2. He is romantic, as the above poem attests.

3. He is sensitive to people's feelings.

4. He is a great father, extremely protective of our kids (and nearly going into coniptions with worry now that Taryn is going to start kindergarten)

5. He is a great cook - five spice chicken and chinese beef being two of his specialties.

6. He is good at getting things done around the house and yard.

7. He is hilarious. He has a quick wit that can think of a funny take on a situation in a moment's notice (like when his supervisor's wife came to work looking for him - he got on the phone and said, "Excuse me, Don, but there's a woman here who says you're the father of her children.") I always wanted a man who could make me laugh.

8. He is intelligent. There's nary a topic that comes along that I can't discuss with him and get helpful feedback.

9. I love his voice. You know when Pippin sings that song in the final Lord of the Rings movie? He was once singing that in another room and I thought he had the movie on.

10. He is faithful to his wife, his family and his God.

misc.

Still wondering about the dream. How do you tell what dreams are from God? Thoughts? Impressions? Heck, lets go all the way - how can one be totally sure of anything being from God? I think about this a lot. Probably why I appreciate Adrian Plass so much. He is frankly honest about his lack of certainty in the spiritual dept. Others seem so sure about it all: Jesus, heaven, prophecy. Are they really sure? Should they be? Wisdom and input appreciated. Don't excommunicate me, please.

Speaking of spiritual things. Re: message on Sunday. Read your Bible. Preferrably 10 chapters a day. AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! No, I do not receive that. I was quite impacted by learning about Reality Therapy's principles of goal setting last year. SAMIC: Simple, Attainable, Measurable, Immediate and Continuously Done. Attainable is the biggy for this woman. There's a lot of things I would like to improve on, and I tend to go nuts and try to do these things from time to time. Then I utterly fail and get discouraged. Exercise falls into this category. I know what I am doing (20-30 minutes 3x week) is probably not "enough", but I can do it, and I am in my 6th week of doing it. And it's better than setting a goal of 1 hour sessions and not doing it. For Bible, I'd just like to get to the point where I'm reading it every day. That's attainable.

On Friday Ash pooped without an enema. That was a fairly major event for us. She'll hold it in for a week or more and then start delivering rabbit pellets every 12 minutes. This last one was a 6 day hold. I don't know how it fit inside her, it was huge. Those of you who are my friends and have known my angst over how to handle this will celebrate with me. The rest of you will probably be grossed out and wonder why I am posting this. Tough.

Loved seeing Conor's smile today. He can be an absolute flirt with the ladies!

Loved cuddling Ashlin as she brought me piles of books to read.

Loved seeing the delight on Taryn's face as she got to borrow one of Rob's shirts as a nightshirt tonight. She jumped around and danced.

I'm trying on being happy. Just deciding to be. Sometimes it's easy, sometimes not so much. But I can do it more than I thought I could. It's kind of nice.

Dreaming

Just recalled last night's dream. My piano teacher was in it and she was challenging me. She was telling me that I could be better than I was, but I wasn't putting the work into it. Then I was playing and as I woke up I realized that what I was playing in my dream were the chords to a song I had written about a month or two ago and then promptly forgot about.

(Lyrics:

Oh to feel the touch of your hand
Oh to know the depths of your love
Oh to hear the sound of your voice
Calling my name
Calling me bride
Calling me home

So I reach out with all that I am
Because I know you're all that I need
And I say all that I want
Is to dwell in your presence forever)

I'm left wondering if that's a shot from God. I hate that I hardly do anything musical anymore. But what have I put into it? I used to crave my time at the keyboard and spent hours playing, singing, writing. I'm ashamed to admit how long my kb can sit collecting dust now. What happened? It's not being a mom. This change happened even before I had Taryn. Disillusionment because I have no outlet? But music shouldn't be about just performance. What is keeping me from doing music for me, for God, for my kids, even if nothing else? Does God miss my playing?

I might like this?

Had a very unusual thing happen yesterday. I was feeling stressed. Not the usual stress. Rather highly stressed. And I knew I was in danger of taking some of that out on my family. I briefly considered a rendevous with Mr. Christie, but realized: 1) it wouldn't solve the stress or dissipate it, and 2) I would create more stress as I would feel guilty and stupid for doing something that does not fit with my goals.

I also realized: 3) what I really wanted to do was go for a walk. A walk?!?!?! I hate exercise, even in minute forms. But for the last 4 weeks I've been making myself do some kind of light exercise, which is usually walking, 3x a week for 20 minutes. It's kind of nice. Relaxing. And yesterday, I really wanted to walk. So I did. I put Conor in the Trekker and the girls in the wagon and walked to my chiropractor's office since I've been so sore lately. The walk actually did not help the soreness but did help my mood. This is revolutionary for me. To think that my new lifestyle changes might be something I come to enjoy? Wow! Who would have thought?

Could use some prayer. Don't really feel like talking about what it's about. Just ask God to meet us. He knows what we need.

Re: 'the word flabbergasted'

What is a flabber?
How do you gast it?

baby feeding thoughts

Warning: The following post contains the word "breast". If this offends you, you shouldn't read it. And you should probably consider vacating most of western society.

I love breast-feeding. I love having a little baby snuggled up next to me. I love how they drift off to sleep with milk dribbling from the corners of their mouths. I love the way their little fists beat me until that first gulp of milk, and then grasp at my t-shirt in a non-verbal way of letting me know that they ain't letting go. Conor just started doing one of my favorite things that I remember from Taryn and Ashlin. He'll be nursing away, and then he'll meet my gaze, and then he'll get a big smile on his face. Then of course that breaks the latch, so he'll get all serious and back to milk. Then soon he'll look at me again, and smile. That game can go on for quite awhile.

I was thinking about how people talk about feeding babies. Some urge it to be regulated as part of discipline. Others advocate "demand feeding" or use a more pleasant sounding "cue feeding" phrase. It struck me one day that we almost seem to be missing the point of it all. Feeding is not just about responding to hunger, or comforting or even attachment. Feeding is what keeps a baby alive.

When Taryn was born, she seemed to be nursing all the time, and I mean all the time. Basically, if she wasn't sleeping, she was at the breast. And she lost that initial weight that all babies lose. And she lost more. And then more. Turns out that while she appeared to be sucking, she wasn't. And as a new mom, I didn't understand just how it was all supposed to feel. So then my milk supply started shutting down. When I started to get help from a lactation consultant, I described what I was seeing in Taryn's diaper. She called it "Starvation poo." Starvation. My baby, my precious little daughter, was starving.

An electric breast pump, syringes, finger feeding tubes, a supplemental nursing system and some formula were some of the tricks of the trade to getting things right. We stumbled upon the solution - one day when the LC was checking where Taryn's tongue was during nursing by putting her finger under Taryn's chin, I realized that Taryn was sucking right. So all I had to do was hold my finger under her chin while she fed and she was fine. Was soon able to abandon formula and all the paraphenalia and breastfeed like a "normal" person.

She breastfed for about 21 months, I think. Ashlin about 19. Healthy, healthy kids. I love that I helped make them that way.

And as a breastfeed Conor, I feel really privileged, not just to share the cuddles and smiles, but privileged to be his source of LIFE. Can't schedule him. Nope. Life is there for him whenever he wants.

1-2-3 Magic

Consider this one a book review. And a video review.

I honestly thought I was ready for parental discipline. I had been a youth care worker. There's not much your kids can throw your way that can shock you once you've been bitten, spit on, and been called a f---ing b---h about 5000 times.

Besides, I'd read William and Martha Sears stuff. I was an Attachment Parent. I would "know" what to do.

After Conor was born, I became totally lost. I was stressed. The girls were going nutso. Especially "the eldest" (parent code when we subtly talk about Taryn in front of her).

I heard about 1-2-3 Magic from a couple of different sources and got it out from the library. I was doubtful. I had tried counting. But I was willing to try anything. Read the book. Started applying the principles. I cannot believe the change. Most of the time now, when I start counting, the bad behavior stops. I'm more in control of my own emotions. We're all enjoying each other so much more. I tried explaining the principles to Rob, but it's not something that can be explained too quickly. So we got the 1-2-3 video out and watched it. Now that we're both on the same wavelength, I see an even better response.

One of the cool things about this method is it was developed not by some nerdy theorist but through application by many, many families. They would try things out, figure out what worked across the board and that became the method. I love the values it espouses: Parents must be the ones in charge of the house. Kids need to be disciplined in a respectful way. Before, I was majoring on respecting my kids but didn't do so in a way that I was in charge. They weren't responding and I was not handling my frustration well.

All this to say, if any readers are a bit frustrated with the whole issue of discipline I really urge you to give this a try. The video takes a couple of hours to watch, the book doesn't take much longer than that to read.

The root of all evil sure could come in handy sometimes

Had a conversation recently about money and how it never seems to be enough, and as a result I started to become aware of just how many times a day I think, I’d like to get _______, but we can’t afford it. It could be anything: tumblers, a new nursing bra, the van’s side mirror fixed, a bill paid off, a swimming pool. From the mundane to the entertaining to the useful to the almost useless, these thoughts invade my head dozens of times a day. The list of stuff Rob and I want to get once I am finally gainfully employed in my chosen profession has grown quite large.

I could go different places on this train of thought. The social worker in me wants to comment on the stresses of money and how it plays into destructive tendencies in relationship, or go on a soapbox of how socially regressive Canada is and why can’t we be more like Sweden? I could talk about the guilt and unworthiness that goes along with asking for assistance or how I have also realized that I am still amongst some of the richest in the world.

But this one goes deep. Time and time again it seems I am going back to Matthew, where Jesus says not to worry about food and clothes. I know some look at those verses as an iron-clad guarantee that God will give us what we ask for. But in context, Jesus preceded this by talking about our hearts being where our treasure is. God does provide needs. Then again, sometimes he doesn’t. There are too many stories, whether contained in the Bible or since that time, in which God’s followers go without and sometimes die in need, to take this thought as assurance that God will give whatever we ask, even when it comes to things like food and clothing. Our place of needs being fully met is in heaven, not here. Jesus seems to be saying to not worry, not because we are guaranteed provision, but because ultimately these are not the things that are important.

Where is my heart? Where is my treasure? I don’t think I like the answer. God, let me value what you value, let me chase after the things that are eternal. Let my thoughts be preoccupied with the life that is the kingdom. I cannot change without you.

Is this not cool?????

Is Yvonne the greatest

blog designer or what?????

Popsicles

In light of this heat wave we are in the middle of, I thought I'd inform you all of the BEST popsicles I have made thus far:

1. Take a can of fruit cocktail in juice.
2. Puree the heck out of it.
3. Pour in popsicle molds.
4. Stick the stick things in.
5. Freeze.

They are soooo good. I can't get Ashlin to eat canned fruit, ever! Now she's asking for seconds. And because it's whole fruit, they are getting the fibre and everything (and do my kids need fibre. Oy veh). No refined sugar. It's beautiful.

Friends (Take 2)

I think my response to the comments to my last post can best be expressed by the song:

Can I borrow a feeling?
Can you lend me a jar of love?
Hurtin' hearts need some healin'
Take my hand with your glove of love

Seriously, I did really appreciate the comments. In general, I am relaxing about the issue quite a bit as a result of the post and the responses. Specifically:

Emerica: First of all, you have a very unusual name. You must have interesting parents. :) I do the same thing at times - remain guarded and aloof. There's a cool chick on the Breathe Blog that is initiating a prayer time for those of us who want to get past some rejection issues. I might just do that.

Cindy: One of the 4. Near and dear. Safe. Glad that you have felt friended (yes, I know that's not a word). Your question of the worst that can happen was a good one. Couldn't really come up with much. Oooh, someone might not like me. Heck, lots of people don't like me. Well, it is harder if it's someone I want to like me, but even that I can live with. (By the way, we ARE going shopping, either this week or next, okay?)

Mercy: True enough. Especially balancing school and mothering, doesn't leave much time for other relationships. Need to cut myself some slack there. When I start to think about how much I can't do because I have little kids, I remind myself that they are going to grow up and I will again have time for stuff - now is their time and I'm going to cherish it. Friends, thus, may be fewer. This relates to...

Bev: Good thoughts. Maybe this is a time of life where I'll mainly have the inner circle. You helped remind me that I have that inner circle. How great is that? It is the relationships outside of there that are confusing for me. I don't know what they're supposed to look like. Yeah, prayer is probably in order.

Lynne: I appreciate you letting me know your thoughts on our relationship (or non-relationship?). Weird isn't it? We lived together for 2 years but never seemed to connect. In light of these bloggings, I'm beginning to think that we were both so guarded that we never allowed a connection. Won't go in too deep over the net, but if there's anything that could stand more conversation in that regard, give me a call. I definitely did not want to hurt you.

This is SO COOL! This is why I started a Blog. Communicate, keep in touch, take some small risks, get wisdom from others. AAAAAAH (that was a delighted scream).

If you want a friend, be a friend

Ashlin just asked me for her Snoopy toys. I reminded her that they are actually my Snoopy toys, but that I share them with her (Yes, I'm possessive about my Peanuts paraphenalia). At least I've learned to share. All the other aspects of friendship I'm not so sure about. I often feel that, at 35 years of age, I would have gotten this friend-thing down by now. But I still feel like I'm rotten at making friends and rotten at keeping friends. I have trouble reading cues. Who is doing the just-being-nice-and-saying-we'll-have-to-get-together-sometime and who really wants to get together? When is a get-together a one-time only thing and when is it a chance for something more? Why do I think "Hey, I should call _______ and make a play-date/do something" and then think of a dozen reasons to talk myself out of it? How do I know when someone is just being nice or pursuing friendship?

Maybe I should just take more chances but I have a huge aversion to being tolerated. I would sooner someone tell me off than tolerate me. Either like me or hate me, but don't just put up with me, especially if it's the "Christian" thing to do.

There are about 4 people (excluding Rob) in Winnipeg that I've gotten past the above shtuff and I feel confident about our friendship. They are blessings. With them, though, I often don't feel like I am a good-enough friend. I'm not thoughtful enough, I don't initiate times together enough, I forget stuff that they've told me. Maybe I should just ask - how can I be a better friend? Maybe I'm good enough?

Oooh - vulnerable post. Do I dare publish it? Who reads this, anyhow? Yep, I think I'll hit that button. Right now. Going to do it. Yes.

A couple of days with family. That connection has become more important to me in my 30s than it was in my 20s. It is interesting, too, that at this point in my life I also feel more different than the rest of my family than I ever have.

My dad is in the process of deciding what to do with his farm land now that he is retired. I suspect he dreamed of having a son to pass the farm down to, but alas, he fathered two girls, neither of whom is interested in farming, or being landowners. This is hard for him, because some of this land has been in the family for over 100 years. I can understand his attachment to it, the desire to see it stay in the family. But I just don't have the passion for land that he does. He didn't raise me to appreciate it. He didn't involve us in farming. He didn't really seem to expect much from us except to marry men who would take care of us. So as much as there is a part of me that wants to say, "Dad, I'll keep the land forever and it will always be in our family!" I don't see it being a terribly realistic option for me to have land that is in another province from where I live. I feel bad for him, I want to fix it. But I guess he has to wrestle with this on his own.

Why do Christians vote conservative?

I used to. Rather thoughtlessly, really. It seemed like a lot of Christians were in the conservative parties (whether PC, Reform or Alliance) so that must be good right? Also, being passionately pro life, I noticed that any candidates that were also pro life were in conservative parties.

Turns out even voting based on one issue isn't as simple as it seems. Reading an article on the Cornerstone website recently, I found out that numbers of abortions went down under Clinton (who is pro choice) and up under Bush (who is pro life). The reason for this is most likely that the social policies of the Bush administration make it harder to be able to adequately care for an infant.

Concerning Canada, Sunday's Free Press had an interesting article on Alberta. Despite being a fantastically wealthy province that is almost debt free, the numbers of homeless are growing and it has a rediculously low minimum wage. My knowledge of this area is still rather small, but as far as I can tell economic policy will have one of two effects: It will either make the rich richer and the poor poorer or it will narrow the gap. It doesn't seem to be possible to help the poorest without taking something away from the wealthy.

God seems very concerned about the poor. To Israel He said that there should be no poor among them. Everything was distributed equally and as inequalities arose over time He put "policies" in place that would restore the balance every so often.

I used to like the saying,"Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you respond to it". That thought seems to be behind many conservative policies. If you are having difficulty it is because of your own choices. Yet when I read about the poor in the Bible, God talks about the poor needing to be delivered from oppression, not needing behavior change.

So the question remains, why do Christians vote conservative?

Y'know what I appreciate about the British? They don't beat a dead horse. They form a new sitcom, they do what? An average of 6 episodes? That's it, on to something else. Not so in USA. This occurred to me while my children watched "The new adventures of winnie the pooh" (Theme song: Pooh bear, winnie the Pooh bear/a major marketing tool/ Pooh bear, winnie the Pooh bear/ We're taking you all for fools). Why are they taking Milne's classic characters and running with them ad naseum? Can't they think of something new?

That's what I appreciated about some of the comics, like Calvin and Hobbes, Bloom County and The Far Side. They came to a natural end and they stopped. I didn't want them to stop, but I respect it. The comics that acquire new writers and artists (seems to be the majority in the Free Press: Shoe, Hi and Lois, Dennis the Menace, etc.) are all lame and unimaginative.

Ashlin went the whole day yesterday without wetting herself!!!!!

I keep telling her how proud I am of her and how good she did and she keeps giving me this blank look, as if she's thinking, what in the world is she talking about?

Next step: for her to start to tell us she has to go rather than us taking her to the toilet every hour. How can I help this to happen?

Yesterday I told Rob that I think I'm going to buy some hair dye. He asked why I sounded so hesitant about it, and I said that I didn't really like to buy something so frivolous when money is tight.

He replied. "Yes, but you're getting older, and we must disguise this in any way possible."

I laughed, but what do you think? Should I have smacked him?