Dreaming

Just recalled last night's dream. My piano teacher was in it and she was challenging me. She was telling me that I could be better than I was, but I wasn't putting the work into it. Then I was playing and as I woke up I realized that what I was playing in my dream were the chords to a song I had written about a month or two ago and then promptly forgot about.

(Lyrics:

Oh to feel the touch of your hand
Oh to know the depths of your love
Oh to hear the sound of your voice
Calling my name
Calling me bride
Calling me home

So I reach out with all that I am
Because I know you're all that I need
And I say all that I want
Is to dwell in your presence forever)

I'm left wondering if that's a shot from God. I hate that I hardly do anything musical anymore. But what have I put into it? I used to crave my time at the keyboard and spent hours playing, singing, writing. I'm ashamed to admit how long my kb can sit collecting dust now. What happened? It's not being a mom. This change happened even before I had Taryn. Disillusionment because I have no outlet? But music shouldn't be about just performance. What is keeping me from doing music for me, for God, for my kids, even if nothing else? Does God miss my playing?