This week

Lots of thoughts, memories this week.

Presently: I am stressed with the added responsibility of selling a farm a province away and taking care of finances for my mother (all along with my sister, of course). I am glad that God seems to be working out a plan. Two couples are putting in offers on the farm yard in the next 24 hours. They came to me. We hadn't signed with an agent or advertised yet. One couple have been praying long and hard for an acreage in the area, have 4 kids (nice for a 5 bedroom house), love the thought of renovating the old thing, and are offering a very fair price and agreeable terms. My sister and I were on the phone about their offer this morning, and mused if they would be interested in a tractor we're also selling for snow-clearing and other heavy yard work. At that very moment, an email popped up from they asking if the tractor was also for sale. I feel exhausted, tired of this taking up so much time and mind-space, but glad that blessing seems to be flowing out of the process.

Presently: I also handed in my first solo report this week. While I do lots of documents with my government contract, they tend to be a communal effort. This one was an evaluation for a project in which I was the sole, idependent evaluator. And it went well. The people who hired me are pleased and requested I be evaluator for the next phase. I feel gratified.

Six months ago: We left church. At Easter I felt a bit sad that I didn't have a body to worship with. I like that certain relationships are growing but I still wonder what community would feel like. I don't have the energy to try different churches. I don't know if I'm supposed to try or if I'm waiting for - what? I feel confused and discouraged.

One year ago: I graduated. What a long haul to go back to school with a 1 year old and a 3 year old. But now I am self-employed, I have a home office, lots of flexibility with family responsibilities, good contracts, work I enjoy. I feel blessed.

One year ago: was the last time I saw my father alive. I am glad I had a Dad who loved me. I am sorry our relationship was not all I wished it was in the last decade. I am glad he was a believer. I miss him.

Two years ago: Conor was born. Finding out I was pregnant so soon after starting back to school was a shock and a worry. But I'm amazed at how things worked out not just well, but better than they would have worked out had Conor not come into our lives when he did. It's in experiences like that where I see the hand of God, and it gives the faith balance to the times of strong doubt that I also have. Coincidence, change, luck just don't seem to cover some of these events. I feel hopeful.

Eleven years ago: Rob and I were married. We have been through so much. There has been laughter and fun, there have been arguments and tears. What it all comes down to: we love each other deeply, we love and enjoy our kids, we have dreams together and we mature a little each day. Every cup of coffee, every massage and every time we just zonk out and watch Mythbusters after the kids are in bed I am reminded that I am not alone, that someone is there for me and cares for me. I feel thankful.

I spent an hour in Taryn's classroom helping out with their reading program. I helped them read the sentences and then fill in the ___ot at the end. Knot was a tricky one.

Two things realized.

1. I did not miss my calling. I briefly thought about obtaining an education degree when I was about 23. Not right for me. Most kids are total spazzes. I'd go insane. But it was fun for an hour.

2. My kid is incredible. I knew she could read well, because it seemed like she was picking up on it fast and her teacher told me she is doing excellent - about a grade 3 level (she's in grade 1). But seeing how average grade one kids read, I realized just how not average she is. I'm wowed.

WWJD-AHWIHAHC?

{What would Jesus do - and how would I have a hot clue?)

I've been thinking about the phrase What Would Jesus Do? While it had a very popular Christian subculture explosion a few years ago, I first remember it from a Christian comic based on the 1896 novel "In His Steps". Later in life, I read the book, too. In it, the characters make a pledge that for one year they will not do anything without asking themselves that question first.

It is interesting to see the 1896 take on the question. One of the characters is a newspaper editor, and he feels that Jesus would not publish an article on a boxing match. Nowadays, I'm not sure a Christian editor would feel it especially troublesome to write up the results of a sporting event. What we think Jesus would do is so colored by our own perceptions, which is a mix of so many different influences.

What bothers me about the WWJD? craze is that it was, IMO, accompanied by a certain blase-ness. Like it would be obvious or easy to tell what Jesus would do.

One thing I do see when reading the scriptures is that Jesus kept on doing exactly what people did not think he would do, and frankly, they go against my own perceptions of what I think should be done. Just accepting an expensive jar of perfume being dumped at one time when it could have been sold to feed hundreds of poor people? Using a whip to chase people out of the temple?

It is a great question to ask. But my guess is that the closer I get to the true answer, the more uncomfortable I will become.

what to pray

A week or so ago Rob was having a bad day. Nothing major, just life in general was getting to him like it gets to all of us from time to time (except Benny Hinn and that crowd, of course).

I came over and massaged his shoulders a bit and in my head started to pray, "God, please help Rob," but then something intruded in and I thought I should pray differently. It was, "God, please help me to help Rob."

It's great to want someone healed, restored, refreshened, and at peace, but sometimes there is a selfish element to my prayers, a kind of "God fix this person so I don't have to deal with their crap anymore." When my husband's upset, when my kids are wrangy, when my Mom's undone, when my friend's at wit's end - can I allow God to change me so that I can be the answer to prayer?

Lots and lots of stuff

Holiday times are often when I yearn for a bit more simplicity. I'm not against Easter egg hunts or giving chocolate bunnies, but it is certainly different than it was when I was a kid. My parents would usually give my sister and me one thing - a chocolate egg or a choclate bunny, and at Grandpa and Grandma's place Grandma would alway make little baskets from cottage cheese containers, fill them with plastic grass and put in a few treats.

My children between them have 2 t-rexes, 2 Winnie-the-Poohs, a bunny, a truck, 3 big eggs and dozens of smaller ones, all chocolate. We did get them some of this because we do like them to enjoy the egg hunt. But it's out of hand. Rather than having a few treats that they can enjoy, we either face constant fights as we try to distribute candy over time that really should last for several years, or we allow them to gorge and face a future of being overweight and diabetic. Probably we'll allow them to have little bits for awhile and eventually throw most of it out.

I feel like this around Christmas, too. Once all Grandparents, aunts and uncles have given gifts, it seems we have tons of cheap plastic that mean very little to anyone.

Rob has been reading the "Little House on the Prairie" series to the girls, and hearing the stories leaves me slightly in awe. Wilder speaks of having a corn cob instead of a doll, and how special it was when she got a doll for Christmas, and how her sister hand sewed a doll dress for her as the sister's Christmas gift to Wilder. My girls have lots of dolls, lots of clothes, and little that is special.

Or candy - in one story a storekeeper gives Laura and her sister candy hearts. She is so in awe of the little thing that she takes it home and puts it aside because it is too pretty to eat.

Please don't think I'm being ungrateful. I do love it that our children have so many people who love them and want to give to them. It just seems to me that sometimes less is more, that fewer things could mean that what we have is special and exciting instead of mundane and unoriginal. What is this drive we have to give things all the time? Can we actually forge a different way in this day and age?

and the winner is

This is my fave line from my fave comics today:

"You're just flailing around like a lubed-up squid."

Of course, you can also view it in context.

still here

Mercy commented on my lack-o-blogging today so I feel compelled to write.

I have a report that is due on Saturday (Saturday? Yes, we didn't really pay attention to when April 15 fell when we made up the contract). Involves much data entry, some analysis and a whole stink-load of writing. So I's busy.

Farm sale on again - we've decided to subdivide the yard and sell it as an acreage. Now there are 2 potential buyers for the land and rumors of 3-10 for the yard. You know what that means? JUDE GETS TO MOVE SOON. And Rob gets to get this house ready to sell! HA! I mean, I'm just too busy to do much. Busy, busy career woman. Did I mention I have a big report to write.

I will probably reemerge on or immediately after the weekend.

Another reason junk food is bad for you

Watch out for Cadbury's chocolates this easter.

Finally!

The Meatrix II: Revolting has arrived!

(definitely see The Meatrix first if you haven't already)

How evangelical are you?

Take the EQ test.

What was that about opinions, Cindy?

This had me in tears...from laughter: Hello, Pastor (listen to the end).

The truth, the whole truth, and nothing BUTT the truth

Sometimes I suspect my kids are lying to me but I'm not quite sure.

Tonight was not one of those nights.

Taryn and Ashlin were getting ready for bed and Ashlin is trying to ditch her panties for her pull-up very discreetly.
Taryn: Mommy, I think I saw poop in Ashlin's bum.
Ashlin: It wasn't me!

CPC Dessert Banquet

The Crisis Pregnancy Centre is having it's annual dessert banquet on April 20. As a board member I felt it appropriate to take a table.

Anyone interested in joining me so I won't be there all alone?