This week

Lots of thoughts, memories this week.

Presently: I am stressed with the added responsibility of selling a farm a province away and taking care of finances for my mother (all along with my sister, of course). I am glad that God seems to be working out a plan. Two couples are putting in offers on the farm yard in the next 24 hours. They came to me. We hadn't signed with an agent or advertised yet. One couple have been praying long and hard for an acreage in the area, have 4 kids (nice for a 5 bedroom house), love the thought of renovating the old thing, and are offering a very fair price and agreeable terms. My sister and I were on the phone about their offer this morning, and mused if they would be interested in a tractor we're also selling for snow-clearing and other heavy yard work. At that very moment, an email popped up from they asking if the tractor was also for sale. I feel exhausted, tired of this taking up so much time and mind-space, but glad that blessing seems to be flowing out of the process.

Presently: I also handed in my first solo report this week. While I do lots of documents with my government contract, they tend to be a communal effort. This one was an evaluation for a project in which I was the sole, idependent evaluator. And it went well. The people who hired me are pleased and requested I be evaluator for the next phase. I feel gratified.

Six months ago: We left church. At Easter I felt a bit sad that I didn't have a body to worship with. I like that certain relationships are growing but I still wonder what community would feel like. I don't have the energy to try different churches. I don't know if I'm supposed to try or if I'm waiting for - what? I feel confused and discouraged.

One year ago: I graduated. What a long haul to go back to school with a 1 year old and a 3 year old. But now I am self-employed, I have a home office, lots of flexibility with family responsibilities, good contracts, work I enjoy. I feel blessed.

One year ago: was the last time I saw my father alive. I am glad I had a Dad who loved me. I am sorry our relationship was not all I wished it was in the last decade. I am glad he was a believer. I miss him.

Two years ago: Conor was born. Finding out I was pregnant so soon after starting back to school was a shock and a worry. But I'm amazed at how things worked out not just well, but better than they would have worked out had Conor not come into our lives when he did. It's in experiences like that where I see the hand of God, and it gives the faith balance to the times of strong doubt that I also have. Coincidence, change, luck just don't seem to cover some of these events. I feel hopeful.

Eleven years ago: Rob and I were married. We have been through so much. There has been laughter and fun, there have been arguments and tears. What it all comes down to: we love each other deeply, we love and enjoy our kids, we have dreams together and we mature a little each day. Every cup of coffee, every massage and every time we just zonk out and watch Mythbusters after the kids are in bed I am reminded that I am not alone, that someone is there for me and cares for me. I feel thankful.