Kids and all.

Ashlin is so funny. She's trying to be assertive. Or is it aggressive? "I said, 'No Mommy', I said." (repeated 10x or more) When I put her in time-out she stands at the gate and shouts, "You big bully!!!" (20x or more) Just before bed she was threatening to spank me.

We registered Taryn for kindergarten today. As I'm reading over the your-child-should-know lists, I go from "Oh yeah, she's been able to do that for over a year" to, "Oh, no, she can't do that! Maybe she's not ready, maybe it's all too soon." Trouble is, having not registered her in June I didn't have the summer to work on all this. But she'll be fine. Found out that they have snacks every day so I kept that in mind, as well as my new trans-fat avoidance, as I went shopping at Stuporstore. Do you know that there are only 2 kinds of crackers without transfats? Triscuits and Goldfish. Found a 3 pound box of Goldfish, so that oughta last...oh wait, it's gone.

Struggling with the feeling-acting dynamic lately. Some things I feel like doing and so I do them. Others I don't feel like doing, so I have a choice, force myself anyhow, or don't do it. Forcing myself makes sense in certain areas, like housework, because it needs to get done whether I feel like it or not. But the relational stuff is not so straightforward. Relationally, we are supposed to love people. Sometimes I don't feel like it. Forcing myself - well, that's not really love then, is it? And the start acting and the feelings will come line just doesn't cut it. So what to do? Not act because it's not coming from my heart? Or just go along faking and hope that some good will come out of it?