serving

There are many times I've asked myself if I really belong at WCV. I suppose it would be like this at any church really - there are attributes that I feel fit and then there are parts that don't seem to mesh at all.
What I keep noticing is that the themes in my life resonate with the themes at WCV. Take this weekend. On Saturday what was on my mind was this: I suck at serving. If Rob is sick or has a bad headache, my first thought is generally not Poor Rob, it's Poor me, I have to do more work now. What is the sermon about on Sunday? Serving, humility, unity.
It really is about attitude. And that's the hardest thing to change. I'm really, really good at faking it - doing what I should do no matter how I feel. I used to think that is what the Christian life was about, acting according to rules rather than emotions.
Not very life-giving. And that, I think, is where the work of the Holy Spirit comes in. I can quite easily follow rules on my own strength. I don't find I can change my heart. If God doesn't change my attitudes, I don't think there is much hope for me to really love instead of just play acting.