pet diaries
Subject: Fw: A Pet's Diary
As seen in a dog's diary:
7am- Oh boy! A walk! My favorite!
8am- Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9am- Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!
Noon- Oh boy! The yard! My favorite!
2pm- Oh boy! A car ride! My favorite!
3pm- Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!
4pm- Oh boy! Playing ball! My favorite!
6pm- Oh boy! Mom! My favorite!
7pm- Oh boy! Dad! My favorite!
8pm- Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
11pm- Oh boy! Sleeping in people's beds! My favorite!
As seen in a cat's diary:
Day 183 of my captivity...
My captors continued to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal.
The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction
that I get from clawing the furniture.
Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.
Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they
were walking almost succeeded-- must try this at the top of the stairs.
In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again
induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair-- must try this on their bed.
Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body in an attempt to make
them aware of what I am capable of, and try to strike fear in their hearts.
They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was.
Hmmm, not working according to plan.
There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in
solitary throughout the event.
However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. More importantly, I
overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies". Must learn
what this is and how to use it to my advantage.
I am convinced that the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches.
The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return.
He is obviously a half-wit.
The bird, on the other hand, has got to be
an informant and speaks with them regularly. I am certain that he
reports my every move. Due to his placement in the metal room, his safety is assured.
But I can wait, it is only a matter of time....
No I didn't write this - someone sent it to me by email. In case anyone's wondering, I'm definitely a dog person.
As seen in a dog's diary:
7am- Oh boy! A walk! My favorite!
8am- Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9am- Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!
Noon- Oh boy! The yard! My favorite!
2pm- Oh boy! A car ride! My favorite!
3pm- Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!
4pm- Oh boy! Playing ball! My favorite!
6pm- Oh boy! Mom! My favorite!
7pm- Oh boy! Dad! My favorite!
8pm- Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
11pm- Oh boy! Sleeping in people's beds! My favorite!
As seen in a cat's diary:
Day 183 of my captivity...
My captors continued to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal.
The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction
that I get from clawing the furniture.
Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.
Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they
were walking almost succeeded-- must try this at the top of the stairs.
In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again
induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair-- must try this on their bed.
Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body in an attempt to make
them aware of what I am capable of, and try to strike fear in their hearts.
They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was.
Hmmm, not working according to plan.
There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in
solitary throughout the event.
However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. More importantly, I
overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies". Must learn
what this is and how to use it to my advantage.
I am convinced that the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches.
The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return.
He is obviously a half-wit.
The bird, on the other hand, has got to be
an informant and speaks with them regularly. I am certain that he
reports my every move. Due to his placement in the metal room, his safety is assured.
But I can wait, it is only a matter of time....
No I didn't write this - someone sent it to me by email. In case anyone's wondering, I'm definitely a dog person.
posted by Jude | 1:16 PM
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