Roots of Empathy

Roots of Empathy is a program offered in MB schools in which a baby and parent(s) visit a classroom once a month throughout the school year and the visits are used as ways to spur on the ability of children to be empathetic. From all I've heard, it is wonderful. I picked up the book that the founder recently got published and I have to transcribe this part (you know it must have moved me when I type this much of someone else's thoughts)

Darren was the oldest child I ever saw in a ROE class. He was in grade 8 and had been held back twice. He was two years older than everyone else and already starting to grow a beard. I knew his story: his mother had been murdered in front of his eyes when he was four years old, and he had lived in a succession of foster homes ever since. Darren looked menacing because he wanted us to know he was tough: his head was shaved except for a ponytail at the top and he had a tattoo on the back of his head.

The instructor of the ROE program was explaining to the class about differences in terperament that day. She invited the young mother who was visiting the class with Evan, her six-month-old baby, to share her thoughts about her baby's temperament. Joining in the discussion, the mother told the class how Evan liked to face outwards when he was in the Snugli and didn't want to cuddle into her, and how she would have preferred to have a more cuddly baby. As the class ended, the mother asked if anyone wanted to try on the Snugli, which was green and trimmed with pink brocade. To everyone's surprise, Darren offered to try it, and as the other students scrambled to get ready for lunch, he strapped it on. Then he asked if he could put Evan in. The mother was a little apprehensive, but she handed him the baby, and he put Evan in, facing towards his chest. That wise little baby snuggled right in, and Darren took him into a quiet corner and rocked back and forth with the baby in his arms for several minutes. Finally,l he came back to where the mother and the ROE instructor were waiting and he asked: "If nobody has ever loved you, do you think you could still be a good father?"

This was one of the stories the author told when she was in Winnipeg recently. I felt very strongly that I was to buy her book, that it was important at this point in my journey. I'm at the very beginning right now. Here are some more quotes:

The program puts relationships at the centre of what creates a civil society...

To the baby every child in the class is a new experience and she is ready to engage with all of them. In her world view there are no popular children and no nasty children. What the baby does see, over and over again, are the children who are unhappy or troubled, and she usually reaches out to them. Children who have felt alienated or excluded are drawn into a circle of inclusion through the empathic contact made by the baby.

As children develop empathy it seems to come ready-made with courage and imagination.

After an example of a child standing up to a bully...

Every child in the class had been given a new promise - that these small acts of cruelty would not be tolerated, and that they would find support if they, too, were victims.

I see why I had to read this book. Here again, the theme of relationships is running through. I remembered my own childhood bullies. I never got beat up so I never before thought of myself as being bullied. But being systematically excluded and ridiculed can do damage that is never seen as bruises and cuts. Where it is seen is a 37 year old woman who still finds friendships hard to form and still has trouble believing she is welcome. Don't worry, I'm not going to go into an inner child pity party. I do however, find it helpful to remind myself that affecting our children's lives is important because even what we regard as small things can have very long term consequences, both positive and negative.