The new job

Today was a bit of a break-through at work. I went from totally overwhelmed to understanding the basics of what it is we are supposed to be doing. My supervisor had suggested I sit in on the classes we do for the first couple of days. Midway through the morning I realized that I had a lot of questions and things I wanted to know and none of them were being answered sitting there and watching our clients interact in class.

Funny thing, though - I didn't want to go. My supervisor was the one who had directed me there and I didn't want to seem like I wasn't following direction. That's my rule-focus kicking in again. Then I re-thought. My supervisor wants me to learn. She hired me because she believes I can think and act independently and make smart decisions. Do I really think she would want me to sit here when I feel like I'm wasting my time, or would she want me to take initiative and do what I know I need to do to get the knowledge I need about the program.

So I left. I went to the program's secretary and asked her to walk me through, start to finish, the activities that each client goes through and the behind the scenes work - forms, meetings - that accompany the steps. After that, I knew I had the skeleton to work with, and I instantly knew where to begin actually working.

This position is completely new in the program, which is both challenging and hopeful. Challenging because no one can tell me what it is I'm supposed to do - we're still working out the balance of who does what. My supervisor used to just run this program, then she started running 2 programs. Eventually the organization realized that was too much. So she now has .25 time to devote to our program, I take up the rest of the supervision duties and also spend time in direct client work. Everybody - my supervisor and the people I will be supervising - are to be helping to orient me, but the phrase I constantly here is, "I'm not sure if you'll be doing that."

So therein is the hope - how many chances does one get to create a role like this, to design my job the way I think it should be lived out (not in totality, there are parameters, but I'm starting to see I'll have significant influence)? It's pretty cool.

Another significant realization - I've been spending significant mental energy trying to figure out what to do in order not to upset or offend anybody. I have to give that up and just do what seems best and deal with whatever crap comes along.