How do you spell relief?
I spell it R-E-A-L-I-T-Y.
I had a great talk with someone who shared some of their experiences at church that had similar aspects to mine. I have stopped asking if I am projecting some of my own issues on the institution. I now know what have been my issues and how I need to deal with them. To the rest, I can safely say It is not my doo-doo.
What has bothered me for a long time is the incongruity between what certain people have said and what they have done. There are even great, long explanations as to how what they say is totally in line with what they have done, even though to me, those explanations did not make sense. I can see now that reality is in the actions, not the words. That gives me the freedom to say that certain people have not cared much about me and have not valued my contributions or potential contributions very much. I'm sure to this day they would disagree with the above statement. But I know what's real and reality has brought freedom. I don't feel bitter, I don't feel angry, I feel like I can leave this behind and stop hoping for something that will never be.
As an aside, I know that people may also disagree with me about publicly sharing some lousy church experiences (even though I haven't gone into a great deal of detail). However, the above person sharing their experiences with me contributed to my freedom. Acknowledgement of what is real does that ("The truth will set you free."). Bringing what is ugly into the light reveals it for what it is: ugly, rather than trying to convince someone that there is beauty where there is not and causing them distress in not being able to reconcile the incongruity. Fact is the church is full of sinful people. The degree to which we line up with God extends only as far as we acknowledge sin for what it is and partner with God in changing it. My story could contribute to someone else's freedom, and that would be pretty cool. I think the hesitancy in criticizing churches or other Christians is more of a secular obsession with privacy than a biblical one.
I had a great talk with someone who shared some of their experiences at church that had similar aspects to mine. I have stopped asking if I am projecting some of my own issues on the institution. I now know what have been my issues and how I need to deal with them. To the rest, I can safely say It is not my doo-doo.
What has bothered me for a long time is the incongruity between what certain people have said and what they have done. There are even great, long explanations as to how what they say is totally in line with what they have done, even though to me, those explanations did not make sense. I can see now that reality is in the actions, not the words. That gives me the freedom to say that certain people have not cared much about me and have not valued my contributions or potential contributions very much. I'm sure to this day they would disagree with the above statement. But I know what's real and reality has brought freedom. I don't feel bitter, I don't feel angry, I feel like I can leave this behind and stop hoping for something that will never be.
As an aside, I know that people may also disagree with me about publicly sharing some lousy church experiences (even though I haven't gone into a great deal of detail). However, the above person sharing their experiences with me contributed to my freedom. Acknowledgement of what is real does that ("The truth will set you free."). Bringing what is ugly into the light reveals it for what it is: ugly, rather than trying to convince someone that there is beauty where there is not and causing them distress in not being able to reconcile the incongruity. Fact is the church is full of sinful people. The degree to which we line up with God extends only as far as we acknowledge sin for what it is and partner with God in changing it. My story could contribute to someone else's freedom, and that would be pretty cool. I think the hesitancy in criticizing churches or other Christians is more of a secular obsession with privacy than a biblical one.
posted by Jude | 4:14 PM
4 Comments:
The truth is that people suck. They suck big time. They wound, they bite, they try their best, and still end up being hurtful creatures.
I think church structure sucks too. I've only known one leader to ever do it well, and even then, there were huge cracks to fall through and get hurt in.
Why did I stay so long? Well, shoot...I love the body. All messed up, with a snotty nose....she's overweight, over fed, lazy and spoiled. She doesn't work well with others, and I think she would flunk kindergarten because...really...how many times does she have to hear the SAME sermon and still not get it? but alas...jesus is wild about her...and I happen to be part of her. At one point I had the opportunity to serve her, even when all my comrades left. It was lonely, and she kept telling me what I was doing wrong. But Gosh...I'm a sucker for a girl in a wedding dress.
But now I'm out, and churchless. It's weird and hard. I'm still part of a small group of people that love Jesus and worship together, but we're not a church. How do you gather and NOT be an institution? We're trying to figure that out.
Anyway...this week I thought perhaps I'd like to crawl into a hole and never speak to Christians again. Gosh, can they bite! But I cried for a day or two, and now I'm ready to take the chance again.
However, I think I'm done with church. So what then...does Sunday look like?
Boring...I say. A tad boring. Especially for a social soul like mine, who loves a milling crowd of people. Oh to be in a milling crowd of worshippers.....I love a group of worshippers. Except that where you find a milling crowd of worshippers, you usually have a church....and it all goes down from there.
Darn religion. Darn us for feeling so comfy with it. And detoxing from it isn't a picnic either.
That being said....inside or out of the institution...she's a big lovely lady....somewhat on lifesupport, but she's there.
I'm off to find a toe to hang out in.
What you said reminds me of an abused wife.
"You better not tell anyone, if you do it will be worse next time."
or in families
"You better not tell anyone else OUR businesss, its private."
By telling people, they are not allowed to talk about the bad stuff, you can keep things under control and who can fix a problem they've never heard exists?
That is sad that you were told not to talk. That is controlling and I don't think its even true.
Clearly I like to talk. Not JUST about the bad stuff but the good stuff too.
Its how I learn.
So I think you should talk.
Why not?
To clarify, I was NOT told not to talk about this issue.
However, I do know that some believe that as Christians, we should not say anything negative about churches or other Christians because it might keep people from knowing Jesus. I think that is hogwash. I think it is more common for people to want nothing to do with Christianity when they see this garbage going on and they never hear anyone saying they don't have a problem with it. My sister, a few months back, had an incredibly real conversation with someone who was curious about the church because she talked about some bad things that had happened to her in the church.
Absolutely, Jude!
My mom, for instance feels free to reject the church because she's never met a "perfect" christian. Obviously, she's been led to believe, somewhere along the way, that Christians "think" they're perfect. Since we're not, she can write us all off as a bunch of hyppocrites(sp?) and not need to bother with even hearing the message.
Why do we think we're fooling anyone by not self-critiquing? Don't we believe that you have to take responsibility for your actions/choices before you can receive forgiveness? Who wants to be part of a bunch of people who say one thing and do another? Not too many, I think.
Funny how the gospel gets mangled...
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