Disconnect.
A long time ago a friend of mine decided to pursue a lesbian lifestyle. (While I recognize the fact that many people do not feel they choose anything about their gayness or lesbianness, it was clear through our conversations that she had had attractions for both sexes and was clearly making a choice). I remember feeling a disconnect at that point that was not to do with her decision so much as it did that I wasn't sure what we shared in common spiritually anymore. I had always had the impression that, having both been raised in Christian homes, both gone to a bible institute/college, that we shared the same beliefs and that I could just assume that there was this base in conversations that I didn't have to explain or wonder about. Now I didn't know where she was spiritually. Did she decide not to believe in the Bible anymore? Did she decide that certain passages were translated or interpreted wrong? Did she just not care? I wasn't sure what we had in common.
More recently I conversed with someone who told me about events in her life that she was sure had God-purposes in them and clearly had a strong belief in demons and curses. In my own life, I'm come to doubt how much of a hand God has in anything and how much is just life that we interpret as God. I also don't believe in demons. I don't not believe in them. I just don't feel I can be sure they exist, I have no personal experience with anything having to do with them, and I notice how much the descriptions of people who are supposedly demonized seem strangely familiar to symptoms of mental illness, and 2000 years ago, that was probably the best explanation they could come up with.
Now I find it increasingly difficult to have spiritual conversations with anyone because of that disconnect, that not necessarily sharing the same underlying beliefs that add to the meaning of conversations. I found myself just making "hmm" I'm-listening kind of noises a lot because I didn't know how to respond. It's not the kind of relationship where I would share my own views and doubts. But it is weird that now when I am with people who identify themselves as Christian I no longer have this instantaneous sense of connection.
More recently I conversed with someone who told me about events in her life that she was sure had God-purposes in them and clearly had a strong belief in demons and curses. In my own life, I'm come to doubt how much of a hand God has in anything and how much is just life that we interpret as God. I also don't believe in demons. I don't not believe in them. I just don't feel I can be sure they exist, I have no personal experience with anything having to do with them, and I notice how much the descriptions of people who are supposedly demonized seem strangely familiar to symptoms of mental illness, and 2000 years ago, that was probably the best explanation they could come up with.
Now I find it increasingly difficult to have spiritual conversations with anyone because of that disconnect, that not necessarily sharing the same underlying beliefs that add to the meaning of conversations. I found myself just making "hmm" I'm-listening kind of noises a lot because I didn't know how to respond. It's not the kind of relationship where I would share my own views and doubts. But it is weird that now when I am with people who identify themselves as Christian I no longer have this instantaneous sense of connection.
posted by Jude | 1:30 PM
7 Comments:
Wether or not you believe that our lives are being influenced by God and/or fallen angels in league with Lucifer, I contend that what's more valuable to God is how we choose to conduct ourselves in whatever circumstances we'll find ourselves in.
For example, if we see someone lying on a winter street in Winnipeg, is it really all that important that we take the time to weigh in and say that this person's plight was somehow "the enemy at work", or a "devine appointment"?
My personal view is that this life isn't some matrix, some program that's running in which we live, but more like a top which when set spinning, reacts to the surface it's on, moving back and forth at random. I think God has done much the same thing, putting us here, and allowing us the opportunity to conduct ourselves His way in His random world.
Having said this, I've seen some things I can't explain, though rare, in any other way than God having stuck His finger in.
All that you are speaking of is in another realm. One cannot "think, feel, will"(soul power) these things. Spirit understands Spirit. Soul understands soul. That is what "born" into the other realm is about ...Spirit understanding the other realm (spirit realm) ... can't be discerned by soul
So...do you believe in the Devil?
I think much of the disconnect you are feeling would be normal reactions to having been out of the church culture for an extended period of time.
In the church culture, there are clear rules and structure, that makes sense that you had an instant sense of understanding with other Christians. I would think it would be similar to travel overseas and bumping into another Canadian. There would be an instant bond, knowing that you know the same places, jokes, language, food etc.
That is what church did, I think for many who were working in the "world", we found a feeling of safety knowing there were others who believe the same things as we do, it is a sense of security.
So much like the travel example, if you travelled in Asia for extended periods of time, you would feel more comfortable there, have less need for people from your own culture. I think being away from church for so long, you're just adjusting to being apart of the culture outside the church walls.
Feeling less of a need that draws you to church folk would naturally create a sense of disconnect.
But then again, this is just a theory. What do I know?
As to the whole demons thing. I'll just leave that alone. I think you're right about human diagnosis of demonic possession and how it overlaps so often with mental illness and vice-versa. However, I think they exist. But hey, what do I know?
:)
Rob - I have to agree with you there. I don't need to have someone tell me there is a curse on certain toys, for example, for me to not give them to my kids. It's enough that I'm responsible to influence the shaping of their character.
Bev - I have the feeling you're going somewhere with that thought but I'm not sure where.
Yvonne - Satan pretty much the same. I don't believe, I don't not believe. I don't find it necessary to believe in him in order to live as I feel God has called me to live.
Erica - The disconnect was one of the reasons I had to leave church, but you could be right in that being out of the culture also changes me. Chicken and egg.
I wonder how much of the disconnect lies in the post-christian cultural shift of North America. Things we took for granted all along as "given" are now open to question. 20 - 30 years ago even, that wasn't so much the case. Except, of course, for the liberal theology vs. conservative theology discourses.
Too bad people don't wear some kind of "mark" to show where their underlying assumptions are...*smirk*
I agree, I think the post-modern shift has a great deal to do with it.
Any ideas what the marks would be, Cindy?
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