Long complaint coming...

I am blogging to hide from my family right now. I don't like any of them much at the moment. I still love all of them. I just want to be alone. Rob's sick - again. I don't know if my perceptions are accurate but it seems like he gets sick or has a headache or has a bad back so easily and so often and I really don't do well taking over all roles when that happens. I spend my whole day cooking and cleaning and by the time the kids are in bed I don't have the mental energy to do the work I will actually get paid for. I'm going to have to put in really long days

Thank goodness today was the last day of school because I don't think I could have hauled Taryn out of bed one more time without bloodshed. Every morning, she resists, she dawdles, she procrastinates, she gets angry, I get angry. I'll try something new and maybe it's a tiny bit better, or then again maybe not. And if it gets a little better, it doesn't stay that way.

Ashlin is whiny and complaining about absolutely everything. She doesn't like meals. She wants to go to the school yard but doesn't want to walk. She asks me a dozen times a day, "What can I do, Mommy?" If I give her an idea, she turns it down. If I encourage her to think of something, she'll only ever tell me she wants to watch TV. She won't clean up her own toys.

And with Conor, I'm just tired of changing poopy diapers (I think once a day is enough, his colon disagrees), cleaning up messes, keeping him out of the girls' stuff so they don't cry and scream.

Now Rob is reading Neufeld's book. "Are you using connection or separation?" "Are you working with attachment?" No, I'm working with detachment, which is soom going to be your head from your body. And what are my next deliverables? Documents on the subject of attachment! And I feel like screaming, "Attachment doesn't &&#$^(#@ work!!!!! Neufeld sucks!!!!"

Now that I've left WCV I feel an internal pressure to make something new and yet absolutely no ideas on how to do it or really even motivation to do so. I want to do nothing. I'm tired of being in places that don't work out for me. Why try again?