Did you know I'm nasty and judgmental?

I finally did it. I advocated so hard for kids that a CFS worker kicked me out of their lives. The foster parents are fuming and complaining so we have yet to see how this one works out.

The reason given were concerns about my communications. No clarity on what these concerns are. My supervison talked to her supervisor and her supervisor used words like "inappropriate", "nasty", and "judgmental", but not exactly how she thought my faxes or letters deserved these terms.

Make no mistake - I was challenging. I wrote clearly about my concerns about the decisions that were being made about these children, citing how they were being affected, my belief in what children deserve and backing it up with the law that supports my viewpoint. But I was reasonable, I did not name call or criticize the person, but questioned the decisions.

This worker is well-known by various people in the system, some of whom we respect and have relationship with. Rumour has it that most of the people in her own workplace have difficulty working with her, and people in another organization have told me things like, "I just can't work with her," that she seems to have mental health concerns that interfere with her ability to do her job and that "her supervisor is just as much of a wing-nut as she is."

Nonetheless, I can hear that my supervisor is quite concerned. I can understand it from her perspective - she does not want the reputation of the program to suffer. However, she said she read my communications and that they have "tone". This greatly bothered me the day she said it. Then I realized I'm not exactly sure what she means by "tone", so I need to clarify that. However, I would be very hesitant to accept critique based on "tone". I think if what is meant by tone is that I sounded angry, I would say I was angry, and justifiably so - children are being emotionally harmed by her decisions. However, I feel I did a bang-up job of keeping my anger in check and focusing on the issues. I should also mention that other people who have read my communications have approved and thought they were appropriate.

My gut reaction says that the worker is simply ticked off that anyone dares to challenge her at all, and that this is retribution. I have tried to talk to her on the phone about certain things, and she refuses to engage in discussion. She likes to tell people what she wants and then just expects obedience. If the stakes weren't so high for these children, I wouldn't have even bothered to challenge her.

There's a part of me, and maybe it's not even me, that is whispering that this is part of something bigger - issues that need to be addressed. It is painful that these issues are coming up, but it might be that my being unjustly accused will lead to matters of much greater importance - the well-being of children - being discussed and dealt with - finally.

In the meantime, I wish I could get rid of the sinking feeling in my stomach.