Hello, Peeps

I found no unsecured networks to tap into while I was away, so I was missing you all while gone. I am back. I maintained sanity, although not always composure. One high point was meeting somebody new who, when she heard I was a self-employed social worker, asked, "How does that work?" and I said, "I just go around and take people's kids away." (Yes, I did then tell her what I really do for a living.)

The best thing about this trip is that I was with my sister. We noted that while other families seem to enter into a lot of conflict when dealing with an estate, the only time we've ever actually disagreed is when we were discussing how we would handle it when we disagreed. Lots of laughter, which was needed to deal with the constant stress.

Despite my best intentions I did end up hitting the breaking point with Mom and got very angry with her. When I expressed my disappointment in myself to Rob, he said, "You mean you're human?" And he has a point. My mom was at us the entire time. The first day it was that we wouldn't drink coffee that had been sitting on a hot plate for around 6 hours. That theme was revisited time and time again, how we wouldn't drink the coffee and developing reasons we wouldn't drink the coffee (apparently it's because we hate her). I tried, I tried SO hard to maintain patience, to remind myself that she has a disorder, to do my utmost to be a good daughter. But being constantly accused of various things and treated rudely is very wearing, especially when I'm away from my family busting my butt for her doing things like lifting 44 pound bags of water softener salt. So, eventually I had it and told her that she was being rude, that there is absolutely no one in my life that treats me worse than she does. All true. Should I feel guilty? I didn't insult. I did say, in a nutshell, "I've had enough, I don't deserve this."

She does not have the logical thinking to compute this anyways. She just turns it around that she's being persecuted. But at least while she's feeling sorry for herself she stops ragging on us for awhile.

As for getting things done, I said we were going to:

• try to sell the farm – didn’t happen yet but negotiations are going well
• take care of taxes for the estate – done in one 4.5 hour meeting after 4 hours sleep
• take my mom shopping for everything she needs – done and my back is still punishing me for it
• sell off a bunch of items without getting her all riled up – no, but progress was made
• get her on anti-anxiety meds – there’s a long story. We had a private meeting with her doctor, who is totally on the same page as us, and did prescribe her some meds, is willing to order home care to help with compliance. But the meds seem to make her sick, so changes are in order. And we really don’t think any meds will help much, but we have to go through the “try everything to keep her in the community” route before we can hope to get her into assisted living.

We also packed up and gave away all my dad’s clothing. I wouldn’t have been able to do that without Sharon there, at least not as emotionally unscathed as I did. Some stuff you just gotta do with someone else.

The other thing that made the trip bearable: Waldheim now has a really good coffee shop.