Walking

Walking is a theme that keeps reverberating for me in my God-life, in a figurative way (physically would be good too - seems I can barely find time to work, be with my kids and deal with my mom's stuff). The theme is that I think God is saying that I will discover his truth as I walk in his paths. I won't feel faith and deal with doubt just by reading, or praying, but by walking it out. The verse about perfect love casting out fear really hit home. How does that work? Not by getting prayed for, feeling the love of God wash over me and then suddenly having no fear. Rather, by walking in the way of love, fear will disappear (theoretically, I'm not that good at it yet).

When I went back to Saskatchewan to get a handle on taking over most of Mom's life I had an example of this. At the funeral lunch my former neighbour had been talking and said she said that when I was in again she would love to get together for lunch. Normally I ignore such things and just assume the person is saying that to be nice. But this time I felt a certain push to follow up. So I called her and we had lunch.

She is one of those amazingly big hearted people, and she and her husband have 2 biological kids and four adopted kids. The latter came into their lives at varied ages, from eight months old to late teens. A couple of the kids are really struggling. I told her about some of the things I was learning about brain development, that if kids don't get the stimulation and care they need early on it will actually change the way the brain forms. Kids who don't get what they need may always have more difficulty that others. I quoted her from one book I read which said that this aspect of brain development doesn't make a blueprint for life, but it sets a sturdy or fragile stage for what is to come. She got tears in her eyes and said, "I've never heard anyone describe my kids so well."

I read the Sacred Space entry for today, about Jesus feeding thousands of people. What struck me this time was that he was grieving when that happened. I can feel so tempted to draw into myself and feel like this is my time to be ministered to, and I keep feeling the nudge that says you go out and minister to others, even now.

On the way home I suddenly realized a song was going through my head, one that I had not heard for a long time, and I seem to be noticing that when that happens the song is usually significant. It was the one that goes:

You make my joy complete
As I abide in you
You fill my every need
As I abide in you

And I felt like God said that the visit was about walking. I responded to his nudge to follow-up and my friend heard something she really needed to hear at that point. But in the process, joy came to me, too.