bad mother/good mother?

We have been finding our eldest daughter to be extraordinarily challenging lately. Much as I hate the blame the parents mentality, I can't help thinking that if we were doing something differently or more of the right things or less of the wrong things that she would be easier to live with.

I got out the book Raising Your Spirited Child. According to it, she doesn't qualify for "spirited", just "spunky". Yes, spunky is the word that came to my mind when she hits, kicks, screams "I hate you!" and refuses to use the toilet when she needs to.

Then the thought came to me that maybe she is spirited. Maybe our parenting is just so good that she would be even more difficult to handle if we weren't so loving and skilled.

That's not the whole of Taryn, though. Sometimes she is very helpful. She often wants to hug me and kiss me and tell me that I'm the best mommy she's ever had and she loves me through the whole galaxy and back. She can be very thoughtful towards all of us.

Vicious cycles form so easily, though. Prayers appreciated. She's more daughter than I know what to do with a lot of days.