community

The topic of community arose again this morning (and thanks, JJ and Andrea for the conversation). This is an ongoing theme (Yes, God, I'm getting it). Dad's passing has so emphasized to me the need for community.

On the way to the funeral I told Rob that I didn't want to go through this process there (meaning the town I grew up in). For me that place was about rejection. Yet I experienced the exact opposite - people surrounded our whole family with love, including me. I realized that the rejection had come from a few people, not everyone. More than that, I realized what community could look like. The exact opposite came about - I didn't want to leave to come back to Winnipeg, because I didn't think I'd find community here and more and more I realize my need for it.

Community is not a category, it's a spectrum. And I have it here - but it seems smaller and harder to achieve. The times of my life that I've felt like I'm really a part of a group are few and far between. I'm usually an individual connected to a few other individuals. Sometimes I've believed I'm not capable of being part of community. Other times I think it must be where I am and I need to leave and find community.

The truth, I think, is that I'm capable of being part of a community. But I won't find it. I feel like God has been telling me lately that I have to create it. Because even if I did find a place that does community well, as long as I'm convinced that it something that happens to me rather than by me, I won't be a part of things.