Dang ethics
Dealing with my father's estate is proving to be very interesting. He was a farmer, loved the land and so could never bring himself to sell it even after he retired.
His will was from 1992. He was talking consistently about updating it but never made a decision on what course to take and never did. So he left everything to my mother.
BAD BAD BAD. Why, you ask? Because my mother is crazy. Okay, crazy is a loose term, and not really a diagnosis. Let me give you a brief rundown. My mother is a carrier of a genetic disorder. It's called Fragile X and it causes mental retardation in males. In her family, the 50/50 chance of getting it worked out exactly - she has two normal brothers and two mentally handicapped brothers.
Females are considered carriers, they don't get the disorder. She is not mentally handicapped. But a certain percentage of carriers are affected by it to some degree. For my mother, that means she is limited intellectually and socially. There is no way on earth she can handle being on her own or dealing with the whole estate.
She is not the executor, though, so there is a plus. And she has given power of attorney to both my sister and me. Another plus.
My sister and I were talking about how to handle things. I said I had no problem going behind mom's back to do things like close down credit cards and bank accounts that she will not use in order to simplify the process (I'm going to be taking over day to day accounts, my sister will look after more long term investment matters). She pointed out that Power of Attorney is not supposed to go against the person's will. And my mom was bristling at some things (such as closing a certain credit card) because she is paranoid and she gets very confused and twists things around in her mind.
So ethically, I guess I'm going to have to try to work with her, and I've had an initial "things are going to have to change" conversation with her in which she seemed agreeable. But it still seems to me that the less information she has, the smoother things will go.
She also hasn't driven in years that I know of. She will zone out and talk to herself, and we are concerned about that happening should she try to drive. As my sister put it, "I wouldn't want to be a pedestrian with her on the road." Apparently she has talked about selling the car and just walking where she needs to go. Probably will encourage that line of thought. If she changes her mind, though - how to handle it?
His will was from 1992. He was talking consistently about updating it but never made a decision on what course to take and never did. So he left everything to my mother.
BAD BAD BAD. Why, you ask? Because my mother is crazy. Okay, crazy is a loose term, and not really a diagnosis. Let me give you a brief rundown. My mother is a carrier of a genetic disorder. It's called Fragile X and it causes mental retardation in males. In her family, the 50/50 chance of getting it worked out exactly - she has two normal brothers and two mentally handicapped brothers.
Females are considered carriers, they don't get the disorder. She is not mentally handicapped. But a certain percentage of carriers are affected by it to some degree. For my mother, that means she is limited intellectually and socially. There is no way on earth she can handle being on her own or dealing with the whole estate.
She is not the executor, though, so there is a plus. And she has given power of attorney to both my sister and me. Another plus.
My sister and I were talking about how to handle things. I said I had no problem going behind mom's back to do things like close down credit cards and bank accounts that she will not use in order to simplify the process (I'm going to be taking over day to day accounts, my sister will look after more long term investment matters). She pointed out that Power of Attorney is not supposed to go against the person's will. And my mom was bristling at some things (such as closing a certain credit card) because she is paranoid and she gets very confused and twists things around in her mind.
So ethically, I guess I'm going to have to try to work with her, and I've had an initial "things are going to have to change" conversation with her in which she seemed agreeable. But it still seems to me that the less information she has, the smoother things will go.
She also hasn't driven in years that I know of. She will zone out and talk to herself, and we are concerned about that happening should she try to drive. As my sister put it, "I wouldn't want to be a pedestrian with her on the road." Apparently she has talked about selling the car and just walking where she needs to go. Probably will encourage that line of thought. If she changes her mind, though - how to handle it?
posted by Jude | 10:22 PM
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